the purple sparrow

Lane Miles for Ron Paul

2012-01-19T14:51:00.000-08:00

Homeschooling.

2011-12-18T05:32:00.000-08:00

It has been far too long since I last blogged. Time has just gotten away from me. Brace yourself for what you are about to hear, because if you know me at all, what I am about to say will probably shock you. My children are now...HOMESCHOOLERS. Yes, one of the things I said I would never do I am now doing. And most days I am thoroughly enjoying it. At the beginning of November, Drew and I made the decision to take Lane and Kole out of public school and begin homeschooling. I guess I was naive to think that if I was very involved in the school that it would make a difference. It didn't. At least 2 days a week I went and ate lunch with my boys in the school cafeteria, something they loved. I was absolutely appalled to hear teachers yelling at their students and snapping at them. On more than one occasion one of the assistant principals (who happens to be a 6foot 4inch tall football coach) walked up and down the aisles yelling out for the kids to quiet down, as if he were barking orders at a football team. For whatever reason the school has it in their heads that yelling at kindergarteners and dressing them in uniforms is going to help with discipline issues. It hasn't. I really was shocked at the lack of respect many teachers and adminstrators have for the children at their school. And yet, they seem shocked when those children respond disrespectfully. It seems pretty elementary (pun intended)to me that children respond and react to the authority over them based on how that authority speaks and acts toward them. Lane and Kole were fortunate to have two teachers who were patient and kind, but unfortunately they still had to interact with teachers and parapros who were not. In fact, Lane came home in tears more than once because of something a parapro or teacher said to him. Oh yes, making saracastic threats to children also seems perfectly acceptable at Claxton Elementary School. Now, I have tried to teach my kids to be forgiving and understanding. I don't want them to be wimps, but I never thought that my advice would have to be applied to their interactions with teachers. I expect that other children would say and do mean things, but was shocked to see that type of behaviour is typical for those in authority at the school.The "last straw" was when I was standing in Kole's classroom, talking with his teacher, when I heard another teacher scream at Kole out in the hallway. Kole had gotten out of the bathroom line, and this teacher just let him have it. When I walked out into the hall I saw Kole standing there with his face in his hands, almost in tears. What kind of a mean, impatient, terrible person screams at a little boy who 1) has Down Syndrome, 2)has a hearing problem, 3) is still learning English, and 4) is a LITTLE boy!The look on Kole's face at that moment when I walked into the hall was it for me. I know to some it may seem like an overreaction to pull my children out of school because a teacher yelled. But, I say, "shame on the school for treating children like dogs, and shame on so many parents for not standing up for their children." Sometimes I think parents are so uninvolved, they are clueless as to what their children are really being taught. And even when they see something they disapprove of, they are too scared to stand up for their children. I've never wanted to hit someone so badly in my life as I wanted to hit that teacher. But, I didn't, I didn't even yell at her, because I wanted to set a better example for my children. So, that was the last week of public school for Kole and Lane. Now we are one of "those" families. A homeschooling family. To end on a positive note. God has used what was a "bad situation" to bring me closer to Kole and Lane as we learn together. They are both doing so well academically now; I wish I had started homeschooling sooner.

On the Occasion of Kole's 7th Birthday

2011-03-30T11:01:00.001-07:00

As we are getting ready to celebrate Kole's 7th Birthday there are so many thoughts and emotions swirling through my brain. It is crazy to think that at this time last year we were still preparing our dossier to submit to Ukraine and waiting for the day when we could bring our son, Kole, home. I distinctly and vividly remember the day of April 7, 2010, Kole's Birthday; the anguish I felt that our son would be spending another birthday in an orphanage. Just like any other day, being treated as though his life was of little significance to anyone. Kole not knowing that his Mommy, Daddy, and two brothers were counting down the days til he would be with us. Kole not knowing that he is worth celebrating, that his life is significant to us, his family. And not just significant to us, but to the God who created him in His image, who formed his very being with purpose, especially that extra 21st chromosome. That chromosome that makes him different, the reason he was placed in an orphanage at birth, the reason he was to be sent to a mental institution for the rest of his life; it is the very thing that led us to him, the very thing that made us want him. That's the kind of God we serve; He takes wrong and turns it into something good and beautiful.

(Kole as a baby in the orphanage)

And we look back on these months that Kole has been home with us, we are amazed at the progress he has made. When we first met Kole, he had no idea what a crayon was or how to use it, he couldn't climb the playground set, he barely uttered a sound, he didn't play with other children, he was nervous to hug. Now, he is writing his name, he can conquer any playground, he is speaking several English words, he is playing on a soccer team, and he gives out hugs to everyone. Sometimes it angers me that for the first 6&1/2 yrs of his life he was treated as thought he couldn't learn, like he wasn't worth teaching; when he is so eager to learn, to try, to be given a chance.

People often say that what we did by adopting Kole is amazing or that we are such a blessing to him; but I mean it with all my heart when say that they are wrong; Kole is the blessing, Kole is the amazing one.

Kole has made our family better.

Kole is remarkable. And on Saturday Kole will finally get a Birthday party, and we will celebrate all that is Kole.

We hope in some small way he will understand that he is worth celebrating.

My Christmas Wish

2010-12-04T17:12:00.001-08:00

I have so much to be thankful for this Christmas. But I am especially thankful that Kole is home with us. We didn't even know Kole existed last Christmas and now it feels like he has always been a part of our family. I remember Lane and Hudson's first Christmases like they were yesterday. My heart is just as a excited this year as I think about Kole's reaction to opening Christmas presents for the first time. I imagine the joy on his face, and it warms my heart.

A couple of weeks ago we went shopping as a family to buy Kole a winter coat. As I tried a coat on him and zipped it up, Kole rubbed his hand along the front of jacket and got a huge smile on his face. He looked up at me and dove at me giving me a big hug and a kiss. The look on his face was priceless...the perfect mixture of joy and gratitude. I don't think I will ever forget that look. He loves his new coat; he's worn it nearly every day, even the days when he hasn't needed it. Kole is a constant reminder of how much I have to be thankful for, how many sweet and wonderful gifts God has given me.

Today our little town had a Christmas festival of sorts. Bouncy houses were set up, hot chocolate was served and a Christmas parade rolled down our street. I took the boys to go play on the bouncy houses. Kole was determined to climb up, and go down the massive bouncy slides. At one point Kole was really struggling to make it up to the top and the line was bunching behind him. Lane was already at the top and as he looked down and saw Kole struggling, Lane climbed back down to his brother. He said "Here Kole, take my hand, I'll help you." And he helped his brother to the top. Later on Kole got stuck about half way up and bigger kids started to climb pass him, Kole got scared and started crying, again I watched as Lane, with tears of compassion in his eyes, climbed back down and yelled at the other kids to stop climbing over his brother. It was one of those moments that make you want to let everyone know, "that's my son, the one acting like a sweet angel." Of course I won't tell them that same "angel" gave that same brother a black eye a couple of weeks ago.

I am so thankful for the beautiful boys God has blessed me with. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude. But, as I look at Kole I can't help to think of the hundreds and hundreds of other children just like him who will spend yet another Christmas without a family. Another Christmas with nothing. Another Christmas being treated like they do not matter. I look at Kole and I think of how different his life is now and how much joy he has brought into our home.

Friends, I am pleading with you...there are children who need families, there are families who want to rescue these children and all that is standing in their way is money. Friends, this Christmas won't you please GIVE, PRAY, HELP change the life of a child by sponsoring them through Reece's Rainbow Angel Tree project. Reece's Rainbow Down Syndrome Orphan Ministry is the wonderful ministry that helped us find and adopt Kole and they are continuing to help hundreds more children with Down Syndrome and other special needs find forever families. My Christmas wish is that hundreds more children like Kole will one day have families to buy them a winter coat, to give them a hand, and to love them for who they are.

Kole's Life Now

2010-10-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I last blogged. There is a reason for that...Having 3 boys instead of just 2 has been a much bigger adjustment that I anticipated. Juggling three kids schedules has tested my multi-tasking skills to their current limit. But, I think we have finally figured out a good routine...maybe.

It's hard to believe that Kole has only been home with us for 7 weeks, because in so many ways it feels like he has always been with us. I am amazed at how quickly he has settled into a routine. He gets up in the morning, goes potty, sits down at the table and eats breakfast, washes up, gets dressed, fixes his hair, puts his shoes on, grabs his backpack and lunchbox and gets in the car. He's even almost gotten the hang of buckling himself in the car. One of the cutest things he does is trying to fix his own hair. He stands outside the bathroom door and copies me as I dry and brush my hair. Only he uses the toy power drill as a hair dryer and the toy handsaw as his comb. When he is done he picks up the container of hair goo and hands it to me to put in his hair. He loves having his hair spiked up.

He is very observant and he loves to try new things. When we first met Kole, he acted as though he had never seen or used a crayon before. Now he is getting better and better at coloring and he's almost gotten the hang of drawing a circle. He's making simple puzzles, sorting shapes, organizing things by color and he is signing and speaking several English words. He's told Hudson "stop" when Hudson tried to get a toy from him. He's saying "Hi", "Bye-bye", "Daddy", and he is trying so hard to say his name. When he sees a picture of himself he points to himself and says "Ole." That "K" sound is a tough one, but he watches my mouth intently and tries to copy me. He's signing please, thank you, more, all done, and yes. Kole loves to be outside and he is determined to conquer any playground or jungle gym. He especially loves to run and jump on our trampoline and his giggle and smile is contagious.

He loves going to school. I'm not sure he loves sitting down and having to be still, but he loves the attention he gets from all the teachers and staff and the other students. He is not shy and he hugs everyone. It's nice to know he is so loved at school, and Kole has definitely learned the art of "schmoozing." I can only imagine how good it must make him feel to be getting so much attention. It's such a contrast to how he was treated at the orphanage.

Like any little boy he is active and mischievous. He get's a little smirk on his face whenever he is caught doing something he is not supposed to do. Last week we gave him a light saber (of course) and he just thinks it is the funniest thing in the world to have light saber fights. He's had a lot of "firsts" since he's been home: Pizza, smores, bouncy houses, swimming pools and riding in the jeep with Lane to name a few.

Here are some pictures of Kole's adventures since he's been home with us.

A New Normal

2010-08-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

Kole has been home with us for a week today. He acts like he has known us all forever and it feels like our family is where he has always belonged. Earlier today Lane and Kole were chasing each other around the house pretending to be monsters and tickling each other. They were both laughing and smiling, I had to stop right then and thank God for bringing Kole to us. Earlier today Kole grabbed a toy from Lane and Lane pushed Kole then Kole hit Lane. I had to stop right then and ask God to make the moments of laughter and fun more common than the ones of pushing and fighting. They really do act like brothers.

I looked at the faces of my three boys today and I just feel so blessed. People keep telling us how lucky Kole is to have Drew and I adopt him, but we can't but feel like the lucky ones. Kole is so sweet and loving. He is learning new things quickly and he is so observant. We weren't sure what to expect; we knew that there was the possibility that he could be agressive, but he's not. He is so sweet with Hudson. He loves to help. If he sees me clearing the table, he clears it with me; if Lane is picking up toys, Kole voluntarily helps.

Today, I met with some of the teachers and staff at Kole's elementary school. They asked me how Drew and I came to adopt Kole. I love telling that story, because it's such a God story. Less than 6 months after we first heard of Reece's Rainbow, Kole is home with us. Only God could do that.

Drew and I had initially thought that we would wait to start Kole in Kindergarten til he had been home a month or so, but he is adjusting so quickly, and he is so eager to learn new things that he will start on Monday. I was worried that he would not want to be dropped off at school, but after seeing him with his teachers today, I think he may not want to come home. He was hugging all the teachers and even the principal.

So far our biggest "problem" we've had is trying to get Kole to slow down when he is eating. I am still amazed at how quickly he can polish off a plate of food. The other day Kole finished all his spaghetti, Lane got up from the table and Kole slid down the bench and finished off the little bit Lane had left in his bowl. He also, in less than a minute ate an entire apple, leaving only the very top and the stem. He is so cute when he eats, because he stuff his cheeks til he can't even close his lips together and then smiles from ear to ear, like he is so happy to have so much food. And he has yet to turn food down except for a chocolate chip cookie.

I've had a few moments of feeling overwhelmed and wondering if I will ever have a night of sleep where all 3 boys sleep through the night and none of them wind up crawling into our bed. But, it's amazing how quickly having three little boys just feels normal. It's our new normal and I am so thankful that all our boys are home, together.

The Day I Will Never Forget

2010-08-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

After nearly 30 hrs of traveling with very little sleep, we arrived in Belgorod Ukraine. We being myself and my friend Camaryn who came along with me on this, my second trip to Ukraine. We finally made it to Belgorod at about 11pm, Monday, August 2. Tuesday morning Alex and his wife Yulia drove us to the orphanage to pick up Kole. When we first arrived I just couldn't help but smile. I was so happy that this day was finally here. I had to go to the orphanage office first, sign some papers, then head to the bank to close out an account in Kole's name (we gave the money to orphanage). I just wanted to run to Kole's room and pick him up.

Finally, they said I could go get Kole; I practically ran down the hallway I was so excited. When I got to Kole's room he and all the kids in his group were sitting on a little bench. They had just come in from playing outside. I called for Kole and when he saw me he got up and came running over to me. He had a huge smile on his face; I picked him and hugged him so tight. All the other children were yelling "Kole Mommy!" I carried him into the next room. We were both just so happy. We quickly dressed him and then went up stairs to the Director's Office to sign some more papers.

Finally, it was time to leave. I held Kole's hand as we walked down the stairs. He smiled and waved goodbye to the orphanage workers as he looked back up the stairs. When we got to Alex's car I picked Kole up to help him in and he started crying and yelling. He's never been in a car before and I think he was also scared because I was taking him away from the orphanage, the only "home" he has ever known. The roads were so bumpy; Kole put his hand over his mouth and cried for nearly an hour as I held him on my lap and tried to comfort him. Eventually he fell asleep. He looked like such a sweet little angel lying there on my lap sound asleep. I could hardly believe that this day had finally come and Kole was beginning his new life.

We drove to Odessa; the city were Kole was born, and where his birth parents still live. In Odessa we picked up copies of Kole's original birth certificate, had a new birth certificate made that says "Kole Isaiah Miles", and his parents are now listed as "Andrew Lane Miles III" and "Kamarie Amato Miles." We also had Kole's passport picture made and applied for his passport. Alex and his wife, Yulia had to do some more running around and picking up documents, so they dropped us off at McDonalds for an hour. Kole had his first McDonalds experience and he was just in awe of all the people and children everywhere. He wouldn't touch the chicken nuggets, but he shoved french fries into his mouth til he could barely close his lips. He was so cute; I just couldn't stop looking at him. While at McDonalds, I got a phone call from Alex saying that Kole's birth mother called and was coming to McDonald's to say goodbye to Kole. We got up to take Kole outside where it was less crowded, and as we walked out the door there was Kole's birth mom, standing there with her sister. We walked around to Alex's car and she hugged Kole. She was crying as she hugged him goodbye. It was a pretty quick goodbye and Kole seemed unphased by seeing her and saying goodbye to her. We were back in the car and on our way to Kiev.

Kole wasn't scared this time when we got back in the car. He loved looking out the window and pointing at all the trucks that drove by. When we were about half way to Kiev, we pulled off to the side of the road. Kole's paternal grandmother was standing there, waiting to say to goodbye to Kole. She hugged him and cried; then she asked if I would take a picture of Kole and her so that Kole would have it to remember his history.

When we reached the outskirts of Kiev we stopped to meet with Kole's birth father. Kole's birth father is a truck driver and he was en route from Kiev back to Odessa. He pulled his truck over to the side of the road and came walking over to our car. I really had such mixed feelings about this. I wished I knew what Kole was thinking too. Kole's birth father hugged him tight and started to cry; he cried more than Kole's brith mother or grandmother. I was so tired and emotionally overwhelmed at that point, and I too started to cry. I just do not understand how an entire family can seem so heart broken over this precious little boy, but not enough to have kept him.

We arrived to our apartment in Kiev after midnight. We walked up a small flight of dark stairs and into a tiny, very dark elevator. Kole was scared of the elevator and I couldn't blame him; I was a little freaked out too. Our apartment however is so clean and bright. We gave Kole a bath and he absolutely loved it. He played and played in the water and he didn't want to get out of the tub. After bath we called Drew on the webcam. Kole talked with his Daddy and brothers and said goodnight.

As I tucked Kole into bed that night, I rubbed his back and sang him to sleep, and I could hardly believe this day had finally come. There I was with my son, finally away from the orphanage. One huge step closer to bringing him home.

On the Road Again... Soon

2010-07-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

It's packing time again. Actually I am pretty much unpacking, washing, folding and repacking. We arrived home last Saturday evening and I leave on Sunday to return to Ukraine. Unfortunately, Drew will not be able to make this second trip with me. It's not a possibility for him to miss 2 more weeks of work on top of the three he has missed already. A friend of mine from high school is going with me to Ukraine. Drew and I both feel it will be better for Lane and Hudson too, to not be without both parents for another two weeks. They will be taken care of during the day by grandparents and Drew will be home after work every evening. So, hopefully this will be easier on them than the previous 3 weeks. It's been such an emotional and often stressful time for our whole family. Lane doesn't handle change well (to put it mildly), and he has cried a lot since we've returned from Ukraine. He loves to just be at home with Dad and Mom and although he had a great time with Grandma while we were gone, he is such a worrier and he was very anxious for us to return. Hudson too has been extra snuggly since we got home. I'm not complaining about that though :)

We are so excited that in two weeks from today I will be returning home with Kole. We look forward to getting back into a routine with all 3 boys. Please pray that our three boys will bond quickly and grow to love one another. We anticipate that there will certainly be times of jealousy and fighting for attention, but we pray that our home would be a place where KINDNESS and LOVE abound. Please pray that we will have wisdom as we help Kole transition into a very different life, including starting kindergarten.

As you pray for us, please remember to pray for all these precious orphans. I often take the time to pray through all the children on www.reecesrainbow.com and it is so rewarding when a family commits to adopt one of these children.

Visits With Kole

2010-07-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a couple days since I last updated. We have continued to visit Kole every day, usually twice a day. I have to say that it is a little strange visiting our son under someone else's watch. We are permitted to visit him for a couple of hours each morning and a couple of hours each afternoon. We have to keep him on the orphanage grounds. Each day Kole runs for the gate and laughs when we scoop him up and tell him "no, no." He really has a great sense of humor and such an adorable smile. I really can't tell you how much we just want to pick him up and run out of the orphanage gates.

We went to the market and bought some turkey, cheese, bread, and tomatoe. I was pretty proud of myself for ordering at the deli with minimal hand gestures. I made Kole a sandwich and brought some grapes and juice to go with it. So far there is nothing this kid won't eat. We are just amazed at how much food he can fit in his mouth.

Kole took my sunglasses off my head and put them on. I gave him a thumbs up and said "Kole is so cool." He laughed and gave me thumbs up back. Drew and I decided to go to the market and find him some sunglasses of his own. We found some blue camo little boys ones and brought them to him the next day. He was so excited! It's hard not to want to spoil him and buy him everything he could ever want. I know we can't make up for the past six years of his life, but I really want to. I hope some day his memories from the orphanage fade and are replaced with new happy memories of our family.

Kole has had a cough this past week and each day it seems to be getting worse. We spoke with the orphanage Doctor and she told us he is on an antibiotic. But, yesterday evening we went to visit him right after he woke up from his nap and he was just not himself. His throat was sore to the point where he didn't even want the juice we brought for him. Usually he guzzles the juice and soaks the front of his shirt in the process. He laid his head on my shoulder and I sang to him; the same thing Lane and Hudson like when they do not feel well.

Drew woke up this morning with a sore throat too. We were not able to visit Kole today because Drew really does not feel well and Kole is still sick too. Pray for them to get better and fast. I am dreading having to leave Kole at the end of the week, but it will be even harder if he is still sick.

We should be going to court on Thursday or Friday, then we will say goodbye to Kole and come home for a couple of weeks. My heart is still hoping he can come with us. We will return after two weeks at home and pick Kole up from the orphanage. Oh how I can't wait for the day when we drive away from that place with Kole!

Our Days With Kole

2010-07-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

It’s Thursday night here in Ukraine. Yesterday and today have been pretty good days. Yesterday morning we went to the orphanage at about 10am to visit with Kole. When we first arrived Kole was sitting at a little table drinking milk from a real glass. He literally squealed with joy when he saw Drew and me. You just don’t know how happy that made us. We had brought a pair of sneakers and socks for him because he has been wearing girls sandals. He sat in a chair across from me; I put one sock on him and started to put a sneaker on him when he just hugged me and squeezed my neck, as if he was saying thank you for getting him some proper shoes.

They let us take him outside as long as we stay on the orphanage property. So we ventured out, and Kole was thrilled to be outside. The orphanage does not let any of the children go outside without a hat, so they gave us a yellow Yankees hat to put on him. Yuck! It was painful to see him in that hat and I can’t wait to get him a proper Red Sox hat. We are contemplating buying Red Sox hats for all the children in the orphanage. Haha!

Kole lead us around the entire property until he settled on a particular playground. There are several playground areas each with their own little “dugout” type area. We sat down and gave Kole a banana to snack on. I have never seen a kid so excited about a banana, nor have I seen a child consume one so quickly. It made me happy to see him so thrilled over a simple snack, but I can’t help but wonder if he does not get much food in the orphanage.

Kole then proceeded to walk around the playground and pick up every pine cone he could find. It was really cute to watch; he would point at one and yell excitedly every time he saw one. He was also really fascinated at the cars driving by outside the orphanage fences. Our time with him Wednesday morning seemed to fly by and before we knew it, it was time for Kole to go back inside for lunch and naptime. Kole hugged me goodbye, but he did not want to hug Drew. That was really tough for Drew. We have noticed that any time one of the two men who work at the orphanage walk by, Kole acts scared of them. We wonder if they have been mean to him, and we also wonder if he has a bad picture of what a father is like because of his birth father.

At about 4pm we went back to the orphanage. Kole was just as thrilled to see us that afternoon as he was that morning. We went outside again and Kole immediately saw some dogs lying on the steps. Side note: there are packs of wild dogs EVERYWHERE! Kole started to run over to the dogs. Drew chased after him and suddenly the dogs growled meanly. It scared Kole and he started crying. Drew was right there and he picked up Kole. Kole wrapped his arms around Drew’s neck and held on tight. It was as if at that moment Kole realized that Drew loved him and would protect him. After that Kole has been so affectionate with Drew and has even wanted Drew to pick him up and hold him.

It was really difficult to say goodbye to Kole Wednesday. He ran toward the gate when we were outside and motioned for us to follow him. He wanted to leave. Then when we were playing inside he packed a small backpack full of toys, got a “walking stick” and motioned for us to follow him out the door. He clearly wanted us to take him with us. It was so cute and heart-wrenching all at once. But for the first time he hugged Drew goodbye too.

We went to the orphanage this morning and afternoon too. This time we brought him a new hat! We also brought him some clean clothes and a pair of sandals we purchased at the market here. Even though we brought him a pair of sneakers, we noticed that they keep putting those girlie sandals on him, so we decided to buy him some boys sandals. Side note: the children play outside, eat, and spend most of the day in nothing but underwear and sandals. And they are all in desperate need of new shoes and new underwear.

When we were at the orphanage today we noticed that there was a little girl who was always sitting in the same arm chair. I asked one of the workers if I could go talk with her. This little girl is 8 yrs old and so sweet. She has no legs and when I walk over to her she is smiling and so excited that someone is coming to see her. She is sitting in a chair coloring and she is coloring perfectly. It was all I could do to hold back the tears, because she is so sweet and happy, and I think about what her life could be like if someone would adopt her. She could have a proper wheelchair and she could go to school where I know she would excel, because she is obviously so bright. We hope to bring her some good drawing pencils and books when we come back. But won’t you please pray that she will be adopted, soon!

It’s difficult to visit Kole each day like this. We love our time with him, but we just want to take him with us. What’s also hard is seeing the other 70+ children in this orphanage almost all under the age of 6, and to think of their lives having to be wasted in an orphanage. My heart aches because I wish so badly that we were able to do more, to adopt more. They see us walking around with Kole and they say “Mama, Dada.” And we hear the orphanage workers say “Kole’s Mama and Dada.” I am praying to God that these children will one day have a real mother and father. I am crying to God that He will protect them and keep them.

We will go to court the end of next week and then Kole will legally be our son. There is a mandatory 10 day waiting period after court, before we can get him from the orphanage. We will come home during the waiting period. We are praying that the judge will wave the waiting period though. That pretty much never happens. But we have seen over and over again that God answers prayer, works miracles, and provides. Please pray with us that Kole can come home soon!

A huge praise…We received word today that “Show Hope,” which is the adoption grant ministry Stephen and Mary Beth Chapman started, is giving us a $3000 grant (we don’t have to pay it back). That is a huge answer to prayer as we had to take out some loans in order to adopt Kole. We are just praising God for his continued provision and goodness!

Kole's Birth Mother

2010-07-13T11:36:00.000-07:00

I could tell that people had prayed and were praying for our meeting today with Kole's birth parents; our meeting could not possibly have gone better. We were very nervous on the two hour car ride over. We arrived in Kole's birth city, ate lunch and walked around a little. Kole was born in a large port city on the Black Sea. It's very much a melting pot and it feels more like being in the Mediteranean than Ukraine. I probably would really have loved being there except that I felt like I was in a daydream of sorts just waiting to meet with Kole's birth parents. We were expecting to meet both of them, but his father did not really care who adopts him, so he did not come.

We met his mother and grandmother at a beautiful park in front a large Orthodox church; then we walked to a nearby cafe. His birth mother is beautiful, she has orange/red hair and she really is so pretty. I noticed right away that we were both wearing dark jeans, white sleeveless shirts and black sandals. Weird. We sit down at a table and it's all I can do to even look at her. She begins to talk with Alex and he tranlates all her questions for us. She looks at our pictures of Lane and Hudson and she asks about 100 questions. She wants to know what Kole's life would be like with us. Will he go to school? Will other children make fun of him? Why do we want to adopt him if we can have more children "of our own"?

She explains what it's like for children with Down Syndrome or other special needs here in Ukraine. She starts to cry a little. I can tell she loves him. My heart just aches for her. I can't even begin what it would be like to live in a country where people with any kind of "disability" are treated like they are not real people. I can begin to understand why they left Kole at the orphanage, although in my heart it still doesn't make sense.

She shows us pictures of Kole when he was a baby. He is so cute dressed in old fashioned clothes and a bonnet, riding in an old fashioned baby carriage. She shows us a picture of her husband and her. Fighting back tears she tells us that many times she has wanted to go get Kole and bring him home, but his father refuses and he does not want him. She tells us that she is so glad that he will not have to spend his life in the institution and that she is so happy to know that he will be in such a nice family. She tells us that people of our character are rare, we are different in a good way. She and Kole's grandmother are crying. I am crying too. We promise her that we will love him and care for him the same as we do Lane and Hudson.

We exchange addresses and we assure her we will send pictures and write letters. I tell her that I do not think badly of her at all. And I really don't. I did, but after meeting her and seeing that she genuinely loves Kole, I just feel so sad for her. We hug goodbye and we are both still crying.

We will see her again, one more time after the adoption is finalized in court here. She gave the pictures of Kole so we could make copies and return them to her. And she wants to say goodbye to Kole.

Drew and I both felt better and worse after the meeting. We don't love Kole's birth father, to be honest. We feel sad for his birth mother, but we are relieved that she seems at peace with our adopting him and happy that he will have he good home. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. These past few days have been quite the emotional rollercoaster. But, God has been pouring His graces on us in so many ways.

We returned too late to see Kole today so we are really looking forward to spending a few hours with him tomorrow morning.

Our First Meeting With Kole

2010-07-12T03:22:00.000-07:00

I hardly slept last night. We woke up and got ready to go meet our son, Kole. Alex called and said he would pick us up in about 5 minutes and we would go to a cafe to get some breakfast. I honestly, didn't want any breakfast; my stomach was in knots. We went into a really nice cafe' ordered some Americanos and a couple of fruit danishes. I felt so nauseous with anxiety I could barely eat or drink. Alex explains to us that he already went to the Administration of Children's Services with our papers, and now we need to go back there to pick them up. We walk a short distance to the administration building. He goes into the office and then motions for us to come in. There is a short, red-headed lady talking a mile a minute. She asks us a few questions about us, our family, where we live, why we want to adopt etc... Alex translates. We sign some papers and then get into Alex's car and follow her over in her car to go to the orphanage.

On the drive over I am trying my hardest to hold back tears. I can't even begin to explain the array of emotions I am feeling. When we pull up to the orphanage we step out of the car and Alex tells us it is OK to take pictures. His orphanage is actually pretty nice looking and they have a large fenced in playground area. We go inside and sit down in the hallway. Then they call us into the office. We are waiting and waiting. Alex tells us that Kole's biological parents come to visit him once a year and that they are OK with him being adopted by foreigners. We didn't know that his parents came to see him and I feel a little sad that we will be taking him so far away from them. I'm just not even sure how to process this information. Alex further explains to us that Kole's biological parents may want to meet us and that it might be better for us to meet with them and to get things squared away with them before we try to go to court. That way they will not try to appeal our adopting him. He said they have already terminated their parental rights, but it would be good to meet with them just to be safe.

They tell us that Kole was playing outside and he got a little dirty so they are cleaning him up before they bring him to see us. We laugh. We realize that we left the little teddy bear we brought for Kole in the car, so Drew quickly hurries to go get it. All of a sudden Kole rounds the corner holding the hand of an orphanage worker. He is so tiny and cute, he is wearing a pink and white shirt with Snoopy on it and blue shorts pulled up too high, with blue socks and white girls sandals. I tear up the moment I see him and I am frozen. We say hello and reach out and hand him the teddy bear. He reaches out and takes it and holds on to it and squeezes it like it is the only thing he has ever been given. He smiles and laughs and looks at the bear and hugs it some more. I am just staring at him; he is beautiful and so full of life. Finally I just outstretch my arms to him and he comes to me and hugs me. I mean he is really hugging me and squeezing me. I just start crying and I don't want to let him go. He is a little hesitant to hug Drew, because the children in the orphanage rarely see men; they are cared for by all women.

We play with him on the floor and we pull out the photo album to show him pictures of his brothers and us. He grabs it and looks through it over and over again. Every time he sees a pictures of Lane or Hudson he smiles and laughs and points to them. We tell him those are his brothers and he seems so happy. He sits on my lap and looks at the pictures over and over again and he squeezes his teddy bear. He is so little. He is about the size of a 3 yr old even though he is 6 yrs old. All the clothes we bought for him are going to be huge. We bought mostly 5T, so I guess we have some shopping to do when we get home. We only get to see him for maybe 15-20 minutes and they tell us he needs to go eat lunch, then take a nap. We make sure that they tell him we will be back. We give him one picture of us to keep with him, because they said for us to keep the album to bring to court later in the week. We hug him goodbye and kiss him. He waves and blows us kisses and smiles, then he leaves.

After we say goodbye to Kole we go to another room to meet with the orphanage doctor. She is perhaps the cutest and nicest old woman I have ever seen. She is tiny. She explains, in Ukrainian, that Kole was abandoned at the hospital and then brought to the orphanage when he was one month old. The first year was very difficult because he had trouble eating and he weighed too little. He had bronchitis and pneumonia before he was 18 mos old. He is very healthy now; he eats anything and everything. She says he is very independant; he feeds himself, uses the toilet on his own, dresses himself and he plays very well with all the other children. Drew is taking notes furiously because we are not sure if we will have real copies of his medical records to take with us. We ask the Dr. a few questions. She tells us in Ukrainian that we have a great responsibility and she thinks what we are doing is amazing. We tell her we love Kole and we will take very good care of him. She nods yes and smiles. Of course Alex is translating everything for us.

Then we go back to the director's office and they call Kole's biological parents. Alex speaks with the mother and the father on the phone and they say they are OK with us adopting Kole, but Alex arranges for us to drive about 90km tomorrow to meet with them. When we get back to the car I get in the back seat and just start crying. It's just all so overwhelming. Meeting Kole was as wonderful as we expected, but now I am so worried that his biological parents will change their minds after they meet us. I'm not sure how I even feel about taking him so far away from his biological parents. Does Kole know, when these people come to visit him once a year that they are his parents?

Please pray that our meeting with his biological parents goes well. Please pray for peace for Drew and I. Pray that whatever is best for Kole will happen. Pray that God's will be done and we will be at peace.

Saturday, July 10

2010-07-11T01:13:00.000-07:00

It’s 9pm on Saturday as I am lying in our apartment writing this. Another day in Kyiv, another day closer to seeing Kole. We woke up late again this morning; Drew got up around 10am and I got up about 11am. Drew was sitting at the kitchen table journaling when I woke up; I had no idea how late it was because my body was screaming, “I need more sleep!” We got ready, packed the backpack for the day and headed out. As we walked into the hallway of our fifth floor apartment I took one look at the elevator and decided to take the stairs, possibly a worse decision because they are falling apart and they seem to be nothing more than concrete suspended in air with nothing supporting them. I’m pretty certain this entire building was here when Stalin invaded. As I am walking down the stairs I am literally praying “Dear God please do not tell me brought us this far, only so we could fall 5 stories into a concrete grave. “ At about the 3rd floor Drew presses the elevator button and I watch through the cage-like metal as the elevator comes up. It is seemingly raised and lowered by an ancient pulley and weight system. I notice that the elevator has four ropes tied to the top of it and they are what is holding the elevator in air. All I can say is that I hope who ever tied those knots was an eagle scout. I took my chances with the stairs again.

As we venture out onto the street we immediately see a bride in white and her groom in a shiny brown suit, standing in front of a Hummer stretch limo. They are so happy. A babushka walks by and says something in Russian, which I assumed was a word of congratulations because the young couple smiled and said thank you. Just a little further down the street in front of the Golden Gate there is another bride and groom getting their picture taken. My mind wanders back to Drew and my wedding day, less than six years ago. We never would have imagined that this is where God would bring us, Kyiv, Ukraine adopting our third son. Crazy! It’s just crazy.

We make our way past the Opera House, which is huge and beautiful, like nothing in America. I notice though that across the street is a 20+ story, rundown, Soviet style apartment building. What a contradiction. We turn the corner and make our way to McDonald’s. Uggh. We don’t really ever eat McDonalds back home, but it’s the one place here where we know what we are eating, and they have free Wifi. When we walk into McDonald’s we overhear a man talking pretty loudly in English; I just can’t help but eaves-drop. He looks like a Bob Jones professor and all I hear is him saying “I don’t really care for contemporary music in church anyway.” The Ukrainian couple he is talking to kind of roll their eyes and laugh. I am thinking, seriously? I am half way around the world and I am hearing that? I really wanted to tell the guy to shut his pie-hole and stop making American Christians look like the morons we are. After a filling yet disgusting lunch, we decide to walk down to the main street, which we call “K street” because it’s a really long Russian name we can’t pronounce. We go into a five-story mall which is apparently famous. I’m not super impressed and the prices are outrageous. We leave. So glad we walked down this enormous hill to check out this famous mall, now we have to walk back up the huge hill and it is the hottest day yet since we got here.

We walk back to McDonald’s, grab a coffee and sit down. At least now it is late enough in America that we can call our boys. We video skyped with Hudson and it was so good to see his face. He was talking and smiling. We blew him kisses into the web cam (I am well aware of how strange we must have looked to the other people in McDonalds). Hudson reached out to the computer screen and said “Mama, mama.” Seeing him and hearing him made my day so much better. Lane was on his way back from the beach with Grandma so we didn’t get to talk with him then. While we were in McDonalds, it starting raining and thundering and the wind really picked up. After a while it looked like it had let up a bit, so we decided to go back to our apartment and then come back to McD’s at dinner time when we could hopefully skype with Lane too.

Well…as we were walking back it starting raining and the wind starting blowing. I thought my contacts were going to blow right off my eyeballs. We were slightly lost and getting soaked. We ran up the street laughing and trying not to slip and fall. Across the street pieces of tile and concrete were blown off the building and came crashing down to the ground below. Glad we weren’t on that side of the street. We finally see the fancy American hotel to which our apartment is adjacent, but we are on the wrong side. We decide to cut through the Hotel in hopes of staying a little bit dryer. Everyone in the lobby and the restaurant just stares at us as we walk through, soaking wet and probably a little stinky. Because, I forgot to mention that when it rains here it would appear that some of the sewers flood and therefore the puddles of water are not just water. I discovered this the hard way when on our second day here I walked through several puddles wearing my chaco flipflops. Later that day and the next day I kept smelling something awful. I finally figured out it was me. I now have poopy-pee chacos. Awesome.

We made it back to our apartment, finally. We were soaked from head to toe, but it was kind of fun too. After a couple of hours of reading we ventured back out to McDonalds hoping we could video skype with Lane. We talked with Lane for a good 30 minutes; this was the first time we have video skyped with him since we left, and seeing him made me miss him even more. He asked us where Kole was and he was a little disappointed that Kole wasn’t with us. We’re disappointed too. Kyiv is a great city, but I just have no desire to do anymore sight-seeing. I just want to be with Kole and then go home.

Note: After I finished typing that last night, Drew and I were watching a little Sports Night when the power in our apartment went out. It was pitch black outside, but when I looked out the window I noticed there were lights on in the other apartments. Drew found his headlamp and turned in on (I gave him a really hard time about buying that thing, but I was glad now he did). We walk over to our fuse box and Drew fiddles with the fuses a little hoping not to get electricuted; there is a weird burning smell coming from the box. Super! We are going to burn to death in this fifth floor apartment. Drew takes the fuse out then puts it back in and the power comes back on! But...only for a minute, then it's out again. We can't get the power back on and there are no extra fuses to be found. So we decide to go search all the hallways of the apartment building looking for fuse boxes that just might have extra fuses in them. Thankfully noone came out of their apartments and saw the two weird looking American's, in their Pj's, one with a headlamp strapped to his head like he's about to go explore some caves. We never did find any more fuses. So we went to bed. We still have no power today (Sunday), but we are leaving in a couple of hours to drive to Kole's city!

Yesterday We Moved

2010-07-10T04:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning we were awakened at about 10:30am (don't judge us for sleeping in so late it's really hard to fall asleep when it's 7 hrs ahead here), it was our facilitator, Yulia. She told us to have everything packed by noon, we were moving apartments and she was going to have a driver a named Sasha pick us up. Sasha would have a USB broadband modem for us so we could have internet in our new apartment. We weren't so excited about moving apartments or only having an hour and a half to pack everything. We had just learned our way away around from our apartment and we had stocked up on groceries the night before. But, the idea of having internet at our disposal made up for the lack of timely notice.

We packed and then waited outside. Of course they did not show up until 12:45pm. Ukrainian's are always late! I am not overstereotyping, it's just the way it is. Sasha pulls up, hopes out of the car, and runs over to us; he spoke no English. The only words I understood were Yulia and Sasha. There is two other people in his tiny car already, some lady who works with Yulia and her daughter. I get the privilege of sitting in the back middle seat. I suddenly have flashbacks of my childhood, the five kids in our family piling into our Mercury Lynx. I'm just hoping that I don't get car sick, as I am prone to do, as Sasha drives like a maniac barely squeezing his tiny car between parked cars and other moving vehicles, over bumpy cobblestone roads. We finally get to our new apartment; when we enter the hallway it is dark and really rundown. There are stairs that are falling apart; the tile on them and in the hall is chipped and broken. There is a small elevator. I'm pretty sure this may be the oldest elevator in the world. It's pretty scary looking and I was pretty nervous to get in it. There is only room for this lady and myself to get in it. I'm a little relieved because Drew is carrying some heavy bags and I seriously question whether or not this elevator could handle that kind of weight. Plus, I figure if the elevetor plumates down to the ground, at least only one of our kids parents will die.

We enter the apartment and it is actually way nicer than our first apartment. The kitchen has new appliances, the bathroom is clean and doesn't reak of urine, which is always a bonus. The tile in the bathroom is new, blue, and shiny, and it has a huge bathtub. We pay this lady $100 USD to stay here two nights. $50 a night is actually pretty cheap in Kyiv; imagine trying to find a clean, safe apartment in NYC for that price. She gives us a usb modem and tells the instructions are in the box. I was pretty excited at the thought of having internet there in our apartment. I could skype with our boys back home, stream some Netflix, or watch Hulu! I immediately open the box; yes, there are instructions but they are written in Cyrillic. In case you're wondering, no Drew and I do not know Cyrillic. I'm trying not to be angry as I watch all my internet dreams vanish. We still haven't figured out how to use it. Thankfully we are a short walk from the "Coffee House" chain; which is basically Starbucks, only the espresso is heavenly.

Shortly after getting to our new apartment we get another phone call. "Hello, I am Alex. I work with Yulia. I meet you at Ministry of Adoption today at 3 oclock. OK?" I reply "OK." Alex says, "OK, we talk more there. Bye." We had to go back to the SDA/Ministry of Adoption to pick up our official referral papers to adopt Kole. We quickly unpack at our new apartment and head out for a walk. We grab a quick snack to eat and then head to the bank to exchange some more USD into UAH money, because we are not certain if there will be banks near where we are staying once we travel to Kole's region. Then we start making our way toward the Ministry of Adoption office. Drew has gotten really good at reading the maps we have, even though they are in Cyrillic. Who knew that Greek would actually come in handy some day; it has surprisingly been a help since Cyrillic was derived from Greek. At least Drew can recognize certain letters enough for us to make our way around the city with ease.

We arrive at the SDA a little early and wait for Alex. He shows up right about 3:00pm. Amazing! Someone was on time. We go inside, wait in line for a few minutes, show our passports, sign something and pick up our papers. We go back outside and Alex explains that he will drive us to Kole's city because the train doesn't go there. We will leave Sunday between 2-3pm and it is about 500km away. Alex is clean shaven, has short hair, is dressed very American and drives a really nice car with leather seats. There are mullets everywhere; Drew has been taking pictures so we will have a little Eastern European Mullet Album to share when we get home. Seriously though, I feel like I am in a Billy Ray Cyrus music video. We are happy that we will be driving in Alex's car to see Kole. Have I mentioned that none of the cars here have seatbelts in the back seat? Well, Alex's car does! Yeah, atleast as we are flying at ridiculous speeds down the highway, I will be buckled in.

After we say goodbye to Alex outside the SDA we walk decide to walk back toward an Irish pub we spotted earlier that day. I'm not sure how much more McDonald's or unrecognizable food my intestines can handle. We get to the pub, go downstairs from the sidewalk and walk into a beautiful pub with big screen TV's. We sit down and they hand us a menu in ENGLISH! It's not cheap compared to what we have been eating, but we are starving and tired. So we order the things that seem most like American food off the menu. Our waitress brings us bread with butter and she sets a bottle of Heinz ketchup on the table. I smiled so big and said "ketchup." She laughed and said "you like Ketchup, yes?" Drew and I just laughed; we probably seem really weird to her. But they charge for ketchup packets at McDonalds so we haven't been getting any. If you know Drew at all it is quite impossible for him to have a meal without using half a bottle of ketchup.

Our meal was incredible. I had chicken and roasted potatoes, Drew had turkey wrapped in bacon with potatoe fries. There were sliced tomatoes and cucumbers on our plates and all the bread and butter we wanted. So yummy! They also had free wifi, so we called Lane and video skyped with Hudson and chatted with a couple of friends on facebook. It was a real pick-me-up.

After that we headed back to the apartment and did some reading for a couple hours. For dinner we ate some cups of noodles (think Ramen) and some crackers, we had purchased at the market. It made us feel less guilty of spending $25 at lunch, since our dinner cost about $2. After "dinner" we pulled out the laptop and watched a couple of episodes of "Sports Night" we brought with us on DVD. Great show by the way; another Aaron Sorkin masterpeiece. Just before the start of the last episode we watched, we popped a couple of Tylenol PM (which is our only hope of getting any zzzz's).

It's been difficult to sleep for a combination of reasons: 1) When we go to bed here around midnight, our bodies still feel like it is only 5pm. 2)Our bed at our first apartment was horrible, you could feel the springs sticking into your back. 3)I just can't stop thinking about Kole. I just want to be with him, and these days in Kyiv with nothing really to do are getting old.

Dear Kole

2010-07-10T03:57:00.000-07:00

In two more days we will meet you for the first time. You have no idea what is in store for you. I wonder if you have been told that there are people coming to see you. A man and a woman who want to be your Mommy and Daddy. I wonder if you know what a Mommy and Daddy are. I picture you at the orphanage sometimes, seeing other children being picked by nice mother’s and father’s to be their children; I picture you wondering when and if anyone will ever come to get you. We are coming Kole! It seems like all your Dad and I have done is wait and now we are waiting some more ‘til we can be with you, but you have been waiting for more than six years for someone to rescue you. You won’t have to wait much longer, little man.

I have pictured the moment we first meet you with great anticipation and anxiety; I think I may have pictured it a thousand times. You are so happy to see us and you call us “Mommy” and “Daddy” right away. I imagine hugging you and kissing your face. I’m crying; it’s a “happy cry” as your brother Lane has learned to call it. You’ll learn too, your Mommy is way too emotional; as is your brother Lane. I keep picturing you hugging your Dad and riding on his shoulders. I have dreamed so many times of what it will be like when we take you by the hand and lead you out of the orphanage, and the joy I will feel in my heart knowing that you will never have to return to that place. I hope your little heart will be filled with joy too. I picture your face staring out the car or airplane window in amazement. I imagine you playing with your brothers at home in our living room. Everytime I imagine a moment with you in it, it’s in slow motion like I am watching a movie where I am happy crying because all the drama has been resolved, and David Gray or Alexi Murdoch music is playing in the background.

I hope you like us. We love you already with all our hearts. I know it may take you a while to want to hug us or to want to be hugged. That’s going to be hard for me; I hug and snuggle your brothers a lot, but they don’t always want to snuggle either. They are busy boys. I know you will like them. Lane is so excited to teach you all about trains and he can’t wait to jump on the trampoline with you. They made you a teddy bear that is sitting on your bed at home; Lane picked out a Star Wars jedi outfit for it. I know you don’t know what Star Wars is yet, but I’m sorry to say that when you live in our house there is just no escaping hearing something about Star Wars being mentioned on a daily basis. I’m sure you will have many epic light saber battles with your Daddy and brothers in the back yard. You’ll be sharing a room with your brothers, and Lane has asked many times if the two of you could just sleep in a tent on his bed every night like you are camping.

Lane is loud and funny, kind and sensitive. I know he will make you laugh; he is so silly and he loves to entertain. I hope you like music, because we play it constantly at our house. I love to pick up your little brother Hudson and dance around with him and Lane. Lane borrows Mommy and Daddy’s cd’s and puts them on in his room, way too loud and dances around. The other day he asked if he could borrow a cd “like maybe the Beatles or something else cool.” Usually he asks someone to come and dance with him. I’m just warning you, you will be forced to dance, but don’t worry if you haven’t any rhythm, no one in our house can actually dance; that just makes it more fun.

Hudson loves to play and he laughs and smiles constantly, but don’t take his red ball away from him, or he might bite you. He will play catch with you all day if you wanted. It’s one of his favorite things to sit on the floor and bounce his red ball back and forth, and he’s getting really good at catching it. I hope you are a heavy sleeper, because Hudson wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes just babbling and talking, and he’s loud.

The week before we left Georgia to come to Ukraine Lane helped me pick out a pair of sneakers for you. I have no idea what size feet you have, but I just really had the urge to buy you a nice pair of sneakers. Your Dad thinks they are a little ugly, but I think they look cute; your Dad has horrible taste in shoes anyway, he would wear his Chacos 24/7 if I let him. Lane was slightly disappointed that we didn’t buy you some light- up Sketchers like his; Lane thinks that every kid needs to have a pair of sneakers that light up. I don’t have the heart to tell him those are really nerdy; I’m just hoping he outgrows the light-up shoe phase at some point.

Your Dad is just as excited to meet you and bring you home as I am. We talk about you ALL the time. I think your Dad and I look forward to different moments with you. He can’t wait to teach you how to play video games and take you to your first movie. We both just can’t wait til we are all together as a family. There are so many things we talk about teaching you; we wonder and laugh about what you might think of our crazy family or the way we do things.

I can’t wait to teach you about how I was an orphan too until God rescued me and brought me into his family. There are so many things I want you to know about our great God, but mostly I just want you to really know Him someday, like your Daddy and I do. I hope that even now you are sensing His love and protection. We have prayed every day since we first saw your picture that God would protect you and keep you safe until we could take you home. I love you so much Kole Isaiah Miles. Just two more days son.

Update From Abroad

2010-07-08T03:45:00.000-07:00

We had our appointment at the SDA this morning. We sat down with an SDA worker, she pulled out a big file with our names on the front and our facilitator translated for us. She asked us about ourselves, our home, our family and why we wanted to adopt Kole. We showed her pictures of Lane and Hudson, and we explained why we wanted to adopt Kole and how we fell in love with him the first time we saw his picture.

We were so relieved that Kole was still available for adoption. We knew there was always a small chance that before we could get here he could be transfered out of his orphanage, or another family could have adopted him.

They then told us about Kole. He was abandened at birth in the hospital by his parents. I started to cry a little bit, partly because I was thinking about this beautiful boy having to spend these first 6 yrs. of his life in an orphanage, but also because I was thinking of how difficult it must have been for his parents. The culture here is just so much less accepting of chilren with Down Syndrome or any special needs. And I know how often even in America we hear ignorant comments or receive long stares. I can't imagine how sad it must have been for those parents to have a child here and feel like they couldn't keep him because of how they and he would be treated.

The SDA worker decribed Kole as emotional, sociable, and well-behaved. Sounds a lot like our boys, minus the well-behaved part :). We saw pictures of him when he was younger. He had chubbie cheeks; he was and is so adorable. He was not smiling in any of his pictures. I really just can't wait to see him smile, to hug his neck, and kiss his face, tickle him, and play.

Our official referral papers will not be ready until tomorrow evening, and we will go pick them up at the SDA. Because it will be the weekend the orphanage and the offices in Kole's region will be closed. So we have to wait to travel there on Sunday. We will meet Kole Monday sometime. That was a little disappointing to hear; we had so hoped it would be possible to spend the entire weekend with him.

So for the next few days we will just be here in Kyiv. More waiting... :)

Here At Last

2010-07-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

We arrived yesterday around 1pm Kyiv time. Going through immigration and customs was simple and fast and the people here are so friendly. Our facilitator had arranged for a driver to pick us up at the airport; our driver's name was Nikolai. He spoke great English and he drove like a New Yorker. Nikolai drove us to our apartment; it looks a little shady on the outside, but after we climbed 3 flights of stairs and went into a small, unlit hallway we entered our apartment. It is actually quite nice and very clean. We were exhausted from not really being able to sleep on the plane so we slept well in the apartment.

This morning we got up and headed out to see the sights. The city is busy and there is so much to do. We walked to St. Michael's Monastery of the Golden Domes which was destroyed under Stalin and only recently rebuilt in 2001. Outside the monastary walls there is a stone and iron cross which stands as a monument to the victims of the Ukrainian famine of 1932-1933. Down the hill from St Michaels is St Sophia's Cathedral, Kiev's oldest standing church. The architecture and details on these buildings is ornate and beautful.

We spent some time in Independance Square where the "Orange Revolution" took place in 2004. Across the street is the monument of independance which was erected in 2001 in celebration of Ukraine's 10 yr anniversary of self-rule and freedom from the USSR. Near that monument is also a statue of founders of Kiev; 3 brothers and their sister. The sister, Lybid, supposedly chose the spot where Kiev was to be and named it after the oldest brother "Kyi." The younger brothers were Schek and Khoriv. And yes I am getting this from our guidebooks.

The history of this country is both sad and fascinating. We are loving our time here so far. Today we walked everywhere. Tomorrow morning at 11am (4am EST) we have our SDA apt. Pray that all goes well! Probably the next day we will take a train to Kole's region. We just can't wait to see him and hug him.

Going Soon!

2010-06-16T13:26:00.000-07:00

We finally got our court date this week and bought our plane tickets. We go in July for our first of two trips and Kole comes home with us our second trip. It is so exciting to think that in just 3 weeks we will be with Kole. Pray that we would be a reflection of Christ's love to all we meet there and that we would have opportunities to build relationships with whoever comes across our path. Pray for Lane and Hudson as they will be staying with friends and relatives while we are gone. We have never left them for this long and it difficult for me to not worry about them.

Hopefully the next time this blog is updated it will be with pictures of Kole Isaiah Miles with his Mommy and Daddy.

Vote For Hudson!

2010-06-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

Every week Parent Magazine selects at least 50 photos for their cover contest. A photo of Hudson was selected for this week. Vote for Hudson and if he is the number 1 photo this week he moves on to the semifinals. The winners get to be on the cover of Parent Magazine. I say it is about time they had a real cutie on the cover. I am not certain, but I do not think they have ever chosen a child with Down Syndrome for their cover before.

Click on this link http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/316446 and VOTE FOR HUDSON!

Correction: There are at least 4000 pictures and Hudson is #155 today (June 8).

Our Journey To Here.

2010-05-06T11:58:00.000-07:00

Nearly every adoption grant that we have applied for has asked us to include a copy of our "adoption story" and how we came to have the desire to adopt. When we sat down to write out our story we saw more and more how God has woven together even the littlest details in our lives to bring us to this place where we are adopting a son who has Down Syndrome into our family. So here's our story, all of it; it's not short, so you may want to go grab a cup of coffee first.

Drew and I talked about adopting even before we were married, so we always knew that somewhere down the road, God would grow our family through adoption. We wanted a large family and I knew I was no Michelle Duggar, so adoption seemed like a logical choice. We see adoption as perhaps the best earthly picture of what our Heavenly Father has done for us in making us His sons and daughters.

It was February 14, 2008, Valentine's Day, and Drew and I were on our way to see a Fetal Medicinal Specialist because on the previous day my OB had seen something on our ultrasound that concerned her. We prayed during the car ride over, believing that God was in control. After more ultrasounds at the specialist's; the Dr. told us that he believed our son had Trisomi 18 or Trisomi 13. He said that we should expect to lose our son by 20 weeks. Well, we prayed for a miracle and God answered; at 20 weeks Hudson was still growing and healthy. When we learned around 28 weeks that Hudson had Down Syndrome; we were relieved and overjoyed that he was going to be OK! I know for many people hearing that they will have a child with special needs is earth-shattering. But, for us it was good news; Hudson was going to live, and we really never felt sad or disappointed that God chose to give us a son with Down Syndrome. Hudson has brought immense joy into our lives and we see in him a picture of grace, every time we look at his sweet face.

Rewind to March 2005. We were expecting our oldest son Lane and although he was a "surprise" we were thrilled! At my first ultrasound apt. my OB saw something that concerned her. It appeared that Lane had a fluid mass at the back of his neck. So she referred us to a Fetal Medicinal Specialist. This fluid mass is often present in children with Down Syndrome or some other chromosomal anomaly. At home, the night before we were going to see the specialist, I remember sobbing. I told Drew, "I just don't think I can handle being the mother to a child with special needs." When we went to the specialist, he did not see the fluid mass they had seen the previous day; Lane was fine. I am ashamed at the selfishness in my heart then and that my faith was so weak. What a difference 3 years made. I went from weeping over the thought of having a child with special needs to rejoicing over having a son with Down Syndrome. Praise God for changing my heart and knowing exactly what "I can handle" and when. We view all our boys as a treasure.

Since having Hudson we have seen what a privilege and blessing it is to parent a child with special needs. We knew shortly after he born that we wanted to open our home to orphans with special needs, particularly Down Syndrome. We just didn't quite now how God would work out His plan.

So, fast forward to February 17, 2010. I am sitting in the waiting room of Hudson's Pediatric Therapists' Office and another mom (Kristi Cox) and I start talking and she begins to tell me of Reece's Rainbow Down Syndrome Orphan Ministry. I knew immediately this was how God was going to once again bless and grow our family. That evening I started looking at the website. I contacted Andrea, the Director of Reece's Rainbow to get the initial paperwork. Drew and I were certain that we wanted to adopt through Reece's Rainbow.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (Feb. 18-20)- We started looking through pictures on the website, praying, and talking about how this would work out. How would we ever decide on which child to adopt? But we were confident that God would direct. Saturday, Drew was away at seminary, while I was looking at more pictures and saw Nikolai (Kole). I was just immediately drawn to him, maybe because he looks so much like Lane and Hudson. After Drew got home and we talked some more, we emailed Andrea to find out what country Nikolai is in.

Sunday, February 21 - When Drew saw Nikolai's picture again, he too had an overwhelming sense that he was the one we needed to adopt. We found out that Nikolai is in Ukraine. Andrea sent us our commitment papers. We were so excited and continued to pray for God to providentially work everything out, just as he already had. We knew that God was telling us, "He's your son, you need to commit to adopt him now."

Monday, February 22 - We sent in our commitment papers for Nikolai! And we began working on the mounds of paperwork, get our homestudy set up etc...

Tuesday, February 23 - We received an email from Andrea, the Director of Reece's Rainbow telling us the following

"just wanted to let you know....you just saved Nikolai from the institution. They were DAYS from transferring him. Our facilitator called and they said they will hold him."

By institution, she means a mental institution, which is where most children over age 4, with Down Syndrome who live in Eastern Europe and Russia will spend their lives. I couldn't stop crying. Nikolai (Kole) was nearly 6 years old, but God had been keeping him at the orphanage for us!

So here we are, May 6, 2010. In one month or so we travel to Ukraine and shortly after, we bring Kole home! And God has provided over and over again for our adoption. When we committed to adopting Kole in February we hadn't even begun to save for adoption; we really thought that adoption was going to be much further down the road for us. Now God has provided over $16,000 of the $25,000 needed for Kole's adoption.

We can't praise and thank God enough for all he has done. And we are just so grateful for the many people who have given toward Kole's adoption. We hope that when we are in Ukraine we will be able to have opportunities to share how great and mighty our Creator is. He created these beautiful children with Down Syndrome; they are not mistakes to be locked away in mental institutes. These are precious lives, as are the lives of all children. We hope that Kole's adoption is only the beginning of our family's journey of caring for orphans.

Making Progress!

2010-05-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't written an update in a while because we have just been waiting, waiting to get some paperwork back so we could send our completed dossier to Ukraine. Last week we faxed a copy of our completed dossier to our facilitator in Ukraine, so she could proof read it, and so the translator could start translating.

We just got word today that we only to need to fix two documents and they are very small, easy fixes. So our dossier should be en route to Ukraine tomorrow! Then in a couple weeks we will have a definite travel date. Looks like Kole will be home in time to experience South Georgia during the hottest months of July and August :)

God has continued to provide and continued to bless this adoption through the generosity of others. To date we have saved/raised/been given/pulled together $16,000 toward our total cost of $25,000. About $3600 of that has been through donations. We now only have a $9,000 "deficit."

It has been exciting and encouraging to get letters and donations in the mail and to watch our donation fund through Reece's Rainbow grow each week. Lane and I have a good time doing our "donation dance" in celebration, and Hudson just laughs and claps when he sees us acting like the loonies we are.

Drew is finishing up this semester of seminary in a couple of weeks. I don't how he manages to work so much and study so hard and still be the awesome husband and father that he is. I know he will be glad to catch up on some sleep, at least for a couple of weeks between finishing seminary and traveling to Ukraine.

Hudson is having his adenoids removed and tubes put in his ears on May 12th; his surgery was postponed because he was sick with Bronchitis. Pray he stays well now so he can have his surgery and hopefully experience some relief!

Now that all the paperwork is done I feel a great sense of relief and it is a little easier to focus on the fun part of all this; getting Kole's bed ready, painting wooden letters so he can have his name over his bed like Lane and Hudson do, and putting together a photo album to take to Ukraine so we can show Kole pictures of his brothers, his house, his car, his relatives etc... We just can't wait til he is home!

Bring Kole Home!

2010-04-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

We are selling orange rubber wrist bands debossed with the phrase "Bring Kole Home." They are only $6, which includes shipping in the U.S. and Canada. We will be taking orders via paypal through May 30th. Then please allow 2-3 weeks for production and delivery.

Be part of bringing Kole home. Click below.

2 Months Down 2 More Til We Go!

2010-04-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

Drew and I have found ourselves joking and laughing a lot about how life has got to slow down at some point, right? As we started the new year we were looking forward to life seeming to have slowed down a bit. Ha! Well then February 17th came; that was the day we first heard of Reece's Rainbow through a friend while sitting in the waiting room of Hudson's (our youngest son) PT office.

Now just two months later we are waiting on only a few documents before we send our dossier to Ukraine; hopefully this will happen next week! We are also waiting to hear from several grants and a couple different interest free loan places. Pray for good news! We anticipate traveling in late May to mid June. Realistically we still have about a $14,500 deficit for all our adoption expenses. Raising $25,000 in four months is not so easy for us, but it seems like no big deal for God, so I keep reminding myself of that when I start to get worried.

I have never mentioned this before, but with any adoption there is always a possibility that when we get to Ukraine, Kole will no longer be available to adopt. A couple people have asked us what we would do if that happened, all I can say is that we just don't know. We both sensed very overwhelmingly that Kole was who God wanted us to adopt, so we are praying and trusting that he is being kept safely at the orphanage til we can bring him home.

In the midst of the paperwork and planning we have tried to keep our usual family routine. Lane is having a difficult time anticipating another big change for our family. He tells us often that he can't wait for Kole to get here, so he can teach him all about trains and jump on the trampoline with him. But, Lane does not like change, at all, so he seems anxious and insecure about what all this means for him. He is not happy that Drew and I will be gone for a couple weeks. So, we are really making an effort to keep his usual schedule and to spend lots of quality time with him one on one. Pray for his heart to be at peace and for him to adjust quickly and positively to having another new brother.

Hudson has had some minor health concerns over the past few weeks. Long story short he is having his adenoids out and tubes put in his ears. We are awaiting some results from his cardiologist so he can be cleared for another surgery. But he will probably have surgery within the next few weeks. Pray for us to not be anxious, pray that everything goes perfectly, and pray that the surgery brings about the results we are hoping for.

Though the past couple months have been stressful at times, God has taught us so much! It's been fun and exciting anticipating having another little guy running around the house. We learned to cut out some time and money wasters to make more time for simply spending time as a family. God is good and gracious!

If you feel lead to give toward Kole's adoption fund, you may do so as a tax deductible donation
through Reece's Rainbow by clicking HERE and following the instructions.
Be sure to designate your gift to the "Miles Family."

Adoption Benefit Concert

2010-04-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

If you are in the Greenville, SC area come on out for a night of stellar music!

Adoption Update

2010-04-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

Everything is going fairly smoothly and quickly with Nikolai's adoption. We completed our homestudy and were recommended for adopting Nikolai. We mailed what is called our "Child Specific Petition" to Ukraine requesting to visit and then adopt Nikolai. We are awaiting approval from USCIS (immigration) to give us an appointment in Atlanta so we can be fingerprinted and have background checks done on an international level.

Please pray that USCIS moves quickly and approves our application to adopt Nikolai. We have completed ALL other paperwork, so they are the one thing that could greatly delay this process. Once we receive our approval from them, we can submit the rest of our paperwork to Ukraine.

Please pray that Nikolai will be held at the orphanage and not transferred to a mental institute. The week we sent in our commitment to adopt him, he was scheduled to be transferred, but we were told that the Director of the orphanage agreed to keep him there. We are in communication with a facilitator in Ukraine and trying to ensure that he will indeed be kept at the orphanage for us.

God has continued to provide in many ways for us. Various friends and even some we don't know have given nearly $4000 toward Nikolai's adoption. Our home study agency is also a licensed international adoption agency and is acting as our adoption agency at NO CHARGE to us. This saves us thousands of dollars and also enables us to apply for several adoption grants which require that we adopt through an agency, not just a facilitator.

For those of you in the Greenville, SC area...our friends Jason and Joanna Bursch are giving a benefit concert for Nikolai's adoption. The concert is May 7, at 7:30pm at the North Hills Community Church - Community Cafe.

After much debating and discussion we have decided to name Nikolai "Kole". There is still much debating going on over a middle name :). Kole turns 6 this week on April 7. We wish so badly that we could be together for his birthday, and are looking forward to having a big party for him after he is home!

We covet your prayers and we are so thankful for the many emails and notes we have received encouraging us as we go through this process.

Grace and Peace,
Drew, Kam, Lane, Hudson and Kole Miles

Overwhelmed With Gratitude

2010-03-23T11:18:00.000-07:00

We are blessed with wonderful, amazing friends and by other Christians all over the world. We are so thankful that so many of our friends are supporting us and encouraging us in adopting Nikolai.

On Sunday, some friends stopped by and handed us a check for $500 toward Nikolai's adoption. Then today I checked our sponsor link at Reece's Rainbow to see our account was at $1203. Some other friends had given $500. Some people we have never even met as well as many other friends have given, and we know they are making a sacrifice to do so. We are just blown away at the generosity we are experiencing. Nikolai has $3756 toward his adoption that did not come from us.

It's not just the monetary support that we are so grateful for. We have received so many emails and notes letting us know that we are being held up in prayer. It's so comforting to know that our family is being prayed for.

Our dear friends Jason and Joanna Bursch are giving a benefit concert May 7 at the NHCC Community Cafe in Taylors, SC, and are giving everything made toward Nikolai's adoption. And another friend is designing a poster and invitations for the concert.

Another friend gave us a stack of books to have, to sell on our Amazon account, and she is having a yard sale and giving us the proceeds from it.

Really! I think the list could go on and on. We just feel so overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can not express in words how much having the support and encouragement of friends means to our family.

Adopting the Hurt Child

2010-03-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

I just started reading "Adopting the Hurt Child" by Keck and Kupecky, a few days ago. I've worked with children and teens in foster care and group homes before and I've seen and learned of how badly these kids are treated. In fact when I was 20 years old I had my first experience working with children in foster care, and it was that experience that God greatly used in my heart to give me the desire to one day foster and adopt.

The authors of this book state that in the U.S. alone, their are 510,000 children in foster care and 129,000 of them can be adopted (written in 2006). Most, if not all of these children have been hurt or abused, and it is often difficult for them to love and trust anyone. But there is hope, if a family will open up their homes and hearts to these children "it is never too late to hope."

It's convicting to think that we go to church every week and talk about God's love, we engage in debates over the downfall of our society, and we claim to be pro-life and fight for the rights of children. Yet, we have in America a great "problem;" these children, as the author points out, are "society's children." But, this problem is not without a simple solution. Do what Scripture tells us, as believers, to do. Care for the orphans. "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress" James 1:27.

Not everyone is called to be a foster parent or to adopt, but as Christians we are all called to care for these children. We all have a role to play in these childrens' lives. What is your role?

Adoption Progress Update

2010-03-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

I feel like we may be setting the record for fastest paperwork filler-outers :) We have the final meeting for our homestudy tomorrow evening. We have a great homestudy agency which is processing our homestudy very quickly and not charging us the usual extra fee to do so. The director of the homestudy/adoption agency has been so helpful and has made herself available to answer our questions and help us pro-bono. She has been so patient and kind and has been a tremendous help to us. Reece's Rainbow has a team of volunteers that have compiled our dossier for Ukraine and are guiding us step by step as we complete it. Because we are adopting "independently" we are saving thousands of dollars. We could not do this without the time and help from those volunteers at Reece's Rainbow and the director of our homestudy/adoption agency.

We have completed our I600A Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition. This document along with our completed homestudy goes to USCIS (formerly INS) and they set up a time for us to go to Atlanta to be fingerprinted. Then they approve or disapprove of us adopting Nikolai and bringing him back to the US (the simplified version). Well this process typically takes 90 days in Georgia and we don't have 90 days. We have contacted Georgia Senator Chambliss' office and they have been so helpful. They have already contacted USCIS on our behalf and are going to follow up on our application. We pray and hope that the added nudge from the Senator's office will speed up our application!

Until USCIS approves and processes our paperwork we can't submit all of the necessary documents for our dossier (which goes to Ukraine). Please pray that everything will go smoothly and quickly. We want so badly to bring Nikolai home soon! We pray that he is kept safe and well til we can see him.

I'm Not Really Sure What to Call This One

2010-03-13T13:30:00.000-08:00

As children of God we are ADOPTED, we did nothing to earn the title "Child of God." We are His because He chose to make us His, even those of us that are the most difficult, unlovely, weird, whatever ... Yet Drew and I have received negative comments from "Christians" about the fact that we are adopting a child with Down Syndrome. They hurt and make me angry all at once. I wish I could make some people understand that we are not adopting because we naively think that our life will be a walk on the beach, or because we are ignorant of the fact that having children with special needs means things may be more difficult. I want to say to those people "We know what we are doing may appear crazy, we realize we are not rich, we know that at times we will grow weary, but where is your faith?" "There is so much more to life than being comfortable!"

We would rather never have nice cars, a big house, nice clothes etc... so that we are able to adopt children into our home, love them, make them our sons and daughters and provide for them. This is what God has called us do and we are so happy to do it. We would never have thought that we would be these people, but God knew all along that he was preparing us to be parents to children with special needs. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life and I don't want to.

Nikolai is our son, the same way Lane and Hudson are our sons. It just so happens that Nikolai has temporarily been in the custody of an orphanage in Ukraine. But, he has always been our son and God has always known that. Some just don't understand that. I don't fully understand myself, why we didn't find him sooner, how our hearts can love this little boy, who we have never even met, so very much. The only way I can explain anything is that it just has to be a God thing. And it kills us that on April 7, when Nikolai turns 6, he won't be with us to celebrate his birthday together. We think about him, worry about him and pray for him, just as much as we do Lane and Hudson. He is our son.

It just amazes that any one who claims to be a child of God would not fully understand and support another Christian's decision to adopt. Where would you be if God had not adopted you?

A Snapshot of Grace

2010-03-12T05:40:00.001-08:00

The last couple of weeks have been so busy with paperwork and meetings that I feel like I haven't had a lot of time to really reflect on many of the things that God has been teaching me. I like writing them down so I can really think them through, go back and revisit them and maybe someone else will be encouraged too.

The fact that God has rescued me from a life of sin and grafted me into his family has gained new meaning to me over the last few weeks. On many occasion as I have been working on adoption paperwork, I have stopped to think about how truly amazing it is that we can be called sons and daughters of the King. Our adopting Nikolai is a picture of God's grace in that way, but it is really only a snapshot of grace. What God did for us, we could never do, and his love is perfect, unselfish, and immeasurable.

As I have thought and prayed over being a snapshot of grace to Nikolai, this thought entered my mind "how am I a snapshot of grace to Lane and Hudson?" Am I a parent like God is a parent to me? Do I teach them in a kind and gracious manner? Do I make sure they know that they are forgiven? Am I as patient with them as God is with me? What kind of picture of God and grace am I painting?

God is patient, kind, slow to anger, always there, gracious, generous, and forgiving. He delights in his children and his love is perfect. That is the kind of parent I want to be and need to be.

Adoption Homestudy Tonight

2010-03-10T11:26:00.001-08:00

We have our adoption homestudy interview as a couple tonight at 7pm. Tomorrow evening we will have our home inspection as well as individual interviews. Next Thursday will be our last homestudy interview. Please pray that these go smoothly, and that the homestudy is processed quickly.

We have received a few emails from some of you regarding donating through Reece's Rainbow with concerns over whether or not your donation has been credited properly to Nikolai. If you do donate through Reece's Rainbow please go through this link http://www.reecesrainbow.com/sponsormiles.html After you enter your information you click on "send special instructions to the seller" and you can put in a note to designate the donation to the Miles family. You can also donate directly to us through our Paypal account.

We covet your prayers for us and for all three of our boys.

Grace and Peace,
Drew, Kamarie, Lane, Hudson and Nikolai Miles

If you want to be added to our email list you can email us at momnpopmiles@gmail.com

Reality Check

2010-03-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

It just hit me yesterday...we could be bringing Nikolai home in June! That is only three months away. Then a sort of panic ensued; it was brief as I stopped to pray. "God, you have made it clear that Nikolai is our son, you have worked out everything so far to this point. You will somehow give us $18,000 so we can bring him home."

We were told to expect our total costs to be about $25,000. Drew and I have about $5,000 and we are selling nearly all of our books, DVD's, CD's and more which will hopefully generate another $2000. I hadn't really thought about where the rest of the money would come from until yesterday. It seems like a huge amount to us but we know that God will make a way.

So we are calling all pray warriors to pray with us!

If you feel lead to donate to Nikolai's adoption, you can do so through our Paypal Account
All we need 450 people to give $40 each.

If you want to buy some of our stuff on Amazon click here.

A Real Hero

2010-03-02T14:11:00.000-08:00

I have known Beth Milbourne since our sophomore year of college. We've been through a lot together over the past 11 years. I love that although our lives are very different and our dreams and aspirations are at times not at all the same, we both have a common goal...using our lives for whatever God would have for us, to his glory.

About a month ago, after the earthquake in Haiti, Beth felt called to go to Haiti and serve the people there. She had just finished her Bachelor's Degree in Nursing; she took and of course "aced" her boards, and a couple of weeks later she was on her way. God provided the money and the means for her to get there. Yesterday, she posted this update on facebook.

Today marks 2 weeks for me on the ground in Haiti. I have avoided sending a specific update because what I have seen and what is going on here is completely overwhelming when I stop long enough to think about it. Even now as I sit here with the purpose of sending an update, I am having a hard time knowing where to start or what to say...
I made a concerted effort to be without expectation coming here. But as we all know, that seems to be impossible. My first day in Haiti, I was definitely confronted with things I never expected. The organization I came down with (IBG Haiti) has rented a house just outside of Port au Prince for the entire year. Our first day here, we spent "setting up house" putting together 13 bunk beds, setting up a kitchen, etc. I really struggled with the thought that we were going to be sleeping in a house, on mattresses, while the people we were here to serve were sleeping in the streets or under sheets. One of my first steps of faith while here was to submit to the leadership of the pastors that God had put over me. The more I have learned about their plans for that house, the more I am thankful to have been a part of setting it up. The plan is for the long-term, using the house to help Haitian pastors with theological training as they work to rebuild their lives, their churches and their country.
Since then I have moved to a place called Quisqueya. It is a Christian school that since the earthquake has become a compound and deployment station for medical workers and some US Army. I am amazed at the heart of the leadership and staff here. They are true servants. (Please check out their website/blog relief.quisqueya.org) If anyone is interested in coming to Haiti or supporting a specific ministry, I would recommend going through IBG or Quisqueya. God has definitely directed each of my steps and prepared the way before me. (Side note: Just as I typed that last sentence there was another aftershock, the ones that I have felt have only lasted a few seconds and have done little or no damage)
For the majority of the time that I have been here I have worked at one hospital, CDTI. Because of the amazing relationships God has given me, that has been a primary purpose for me while here, to build relationships with the people God has put right in front of me. By working at the same facility I have been able to build relationships with patients, their families, staff members, translators and other relief workers. I love coming through the gates and hearing patients calling out my name, happy to see me back. The hospital was a private, 18 bed facility prior to the earthquake. The man who started the hospital had the goal of raising the standard of health care in Haiti, so it was a top notch facility with CT, digital xray, mammography, fluoroscopy in OR, an ER... now we are down to mammography. There is one functioning CT machine in Haiti and it is on the Comfort ship that is parked in the port. CDTI is a primarily orthopedic hospital, so the lack of xray has been very difficult. There is a foundation working on getting us a working xray processor. We currently have 75 in-patients in 11 tents in the courtyard, and run an out-patient clinic that sees between 100-150 patients each day. Since I have committed to be here for a longer period of time I have been promoted rather quickly. This past weekend the American doctor that has been administrating at the hospital took a much needed R&R, leaving me in charge. It was (and still is) an intimidating thought. I am constantly having to remind myself of 2 Corinthians 5:5-7 “He who has prepared you for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight...”
One of the amazing things about being in Haiti right now, is that God has literally brought the world to Haiti. I have worked with people from all over the US, Mexico, Bangladesh, Canada, England, France, Germany, South Korea, Israel, just to name a few. I was hit with the thought that God could be bringing people here to Haiti to hear His Name and return to their country changed, proclaiming the Gospel of Christ. God's purpose for allowing such a catastrophe could be to start a worldwide revival. As I have ridden in the backs of every type of vehicle imaginable around Port au Prince, the song “God of this City” has been running through my head... “You're the God of this city, You're the King of these people, You're the Lord of this nation, You are. You're the Light in this darkness, You're the hope to the hopeless, You're the peace to the restless, You are. There is no one like our God... For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city...” God has a bigger plan for Haiti than we could ever imagine. He loves the people of Haiti more than we will ever understand. He died for the souls of Haiti. He has called us to be His hands and feet, what an amazing privilege!
I know that the prayers of many saints have sustained me over the last couple weeks. This has definitely been the hardest thing I have done in my life, but I know that God has called me to it and I know that He is, and will continue to be my strength.

Beth truly is a hero, she is giving of herself even when there is "nothing" to be gained in return. Please pray for her with me as she serves in Haiti.

The Treasure

2010-03-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

When Drew and I first followed God's leading to commit to adopting Nikolai, we sort of laughed to each other knowing that we do not have $25,000 readily at hand to cover all the costs. But we knew that God would provide. We also know that part of God's provision is showing us what areas we needed to make sacrifices in or be more frugal in. Though it's not the perfect analogy, I suddenly felt like the man in Matthew 13. We too have found a treasure, our son Nikolai. We have found ourselves in a state of mind that we have never before been in. Willing to sell EVERYTHING we can possibly sell to bring Nikolai home. And it has brought an even greater joy to our family to see God working in our hearts this way.

On Friday, we set up a seller account on Amazon HELPOURADOPTIONFUNDBUYOURSTUFF to sell all our CD's and DVD's, many of our books and some household items. Over he weekend we have already sold nearly 40 items and earned nearly $500.

We also have been renting a storage unit to store some furniture and stuff we can't fit in our current home. We have begun the process of emptying it out and selling what we can. We just sold our futon!

It is only God that has made us realize that we really don't need so much of what we have. We have found a treasure, a great treasure, Nikolai, and we will do whatever it takes to bring him home. We say with such joyful hearts, "Thank you God for your leading and provision."

Nikolai on the News Stands!

2010-02-26T15:00:00.001-08:00

The current issue of People Magazine has an article on Reece's Rainbow, the ministry that helped us find our son Nikolai. Check out who's lookin handsome at the bottom middle of the page. We had no idea Nikolai's pic was in the magazine til Andrea emailed us to let us know. So we went Wednesday and bought a few copies.

The Evidence of God's Hand

2010-02-26T11:50:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my previous blog, God has been removing obstacles and providing in huge ways in order for us to adopt Nikolai. The evidence that God's hand has been at work in even the minute details of bringing our son home is overwhelming.

About 3 weeks ago Drew and I received a substantial tax return. We had already decided that when we got it, we would put the majority of it onto our mortgage for our house in SC so that we could then lower the sale price some more and hopefully sell the house. With the other portion we were going to buy a laptop because our desktop was broken and was going to cost a ridiculous amount of money to fix. Our laptop, well if you saw it you would understand, it would only work when plugged in and would still shut off at random times.

I remember the day I was sitting at the computer ready to use the tax return to pay down the mortgage and I suddenly just felt like God was saying "wait, just hold on to that money for now." Then the same thing happened as we were about to purchase the laptop online; we had it in the shopping cart, ready to check out and then Drew and I both had this sense that it would not be a wise use of our money, so we didn't buy it.

Last week an acquaintance of Drew's fixed our desktop for $45! It's running like new now. Right after we sent in our commitment papers to adopt Nikolai, our property management group emailed and said, "we have a rental application for your house and it looks good." They sign the lease this Monday and we will no longer have to pay any money toward out SC house!

Because we held on to our tax return we had the money we needed to cover our application fee, home study fees, and Promise Trust fee for Nikolai's adoption. We would normally never have that kind of "expendable" money.

When Drew and I first told Andrea of Reece's Rainbow that we wanted to commit to adopting Nikolai she emailed us and said there was $1811 in a grant for him. On top of that a lady in Germany had been sending money every week specifically for whoever would adopt Nikolai! Then my new friend from Hudson's therapist office, who told me about Reece's Rainbow, gave me $100 when I told her we had already committed to Nikolai.

If your reading this and you can't see the hand of God working...get your vision checked. This whole situation is the handiwork of our Heavenly Father. I have never before in my life done something this huge in faith and so clearly seen God knocking down obstacles. He is so faithful.

Adopting Nikolai

2010-02-24T12:03:00.000-08:00

So much has transpired in the last week it is somewhat difficult to remember what happened on which days. My last post talked about how Drew and I found out about Reece's Rainbow, a ministry for adopting international children with Down Syndrome. We knew right away that God was making it undeniably clear that this is what He has for us. I think the easiest way to explain what has occurred during the last week is through a timeline.

Wednesday, February 17 - We find out about Reece's Rainbow and start looking at the website. Contact Andrea, the director of Reece's Rainbow to get the initial paperwork. Drew and I are certain that we want to adopt through Reece's Rainbow.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday - We are looking through pictures on the website, praying, and talking about how would this all work out. How will we ever decide on which child to adopt? But we were confident that God would direct. Saturday, Drew was away at seminary, while I was looking at more pictures and saw Nikolai. I was just immediately drawn to him, maybe because he looks so much like Lane and Hudson. After Drew gets home I email Andrea to find out what country Nikolai is in.

Sunday, February 21 - Drew sees Nikolai's picture and he too has an overwhelming sense that he is the one we need to adopt. We find out Nikolai is in Ukraine. Andrea sends us our commitment papers. We are so excited and continuing to pray for God to providentially work everything out, just as he already had. We are certain we want to commit to Nikolai.

Monday, February 22 - We send in our commitment papers for Nikolai! And we begin working on the mounds of paperwork, get our homestudy set up etc...

Tuesday, February 23 - We get an email from Andrea, the director of Reece's Rainbow telling us the following

"just wanted to let you know....you just saved Nikolai from the institution. They were DAYS from transferring him. Our facilitator called and they said they will hold him."

By institution, she means a mental institution, which is where most children over age 4, with Down Syndrome will spend their lives. I couldn't stop crying. Nikolai is already 5, but God had been keeping him at the orphanage for us!

Today is Wednesday, February 24. We have seen God's hand working in so many little ways. He made it so clear that Nikolai was our son. Imagine if we had hesitated to commit to him. God told us to "move" so we did, and even though it may seem there are obstacles; God has and can move them. He already provided above and beyond what we needed for our application, promise trust and home study fees. We are confident that he is going to provide all we need to bring Nikolai home.

Nikolai could be coming home as soon as July! We are so excited to have found our son. We can't wait to hug him and love him and give him a new life.

All this has kept my mind thinking on how much greater the love of God is. That he would give his son and adopt me into his family, call me his child and love me with an everlasting love.

You can follow Nikolai's adoption story here at The Purple Sparrow or on our Facebook page "The Purple Sparrow." If you would like to sponsor the Miles family you can do so through designated giving at Reece's Rainbow. Please pray with us that we can bring Nikolai home soon.

Adopting a Child With Down Syndrome

2010-02-18T06:25:00.000-08:00

Adoption is something that Drew and I have always known God had for us in our future. When Drew and I were dating, a friend of mine thought she would be funny and blurted out "Drew, you know Kam wants 12 kids, right?" When we got in the car Drew asked me "Do you really want 12 kids?" (He had a very concerned look on his face). I almost lied, but I told him I really did want 12 kids, give or take a couple. Thankfully, he didn't break up with me right then, and 7 years later we have been married for 5 yrs. and have two children.

Yesterday, as I sat in the waiting room of the Speech Therapist office a lady sat down next to me with her daughter who has Down Syndrome. We started talking and she told me about an adoption ministry called Reece's Rainbow that helps place international children with Down Syndrome into loving homes. I was immediately interested, actually my heart was pounding with excitement. I had almost skipped the kids therapy appointments that day!

When I got home I immediately went home and looked at www.reecesrainbow.com to find out more. I started weeping and couldn't stop. And it was not tears of pity for these children; it was tears of joy that God had answered my prayers. We had been looking into ways to foster or adopt children with Down Syndrome or other special needs, but because of the 90% abortion rate in the US there really are not a lot of children with DS available. My heart had been somewhat restless and impatient waiting for God to show me the "how." I thought "This is it!" I couldn't wait til Drew got home from work, I called him right away. We hadn't really even considered the possibility of adopting a child with Down Syndrome internationally, but now it just seemed so clear.

After the kids were in bed, Drew and I talked for hours; we looked at the pictures of these children waiting for their "forever family." I told Drew I had already requested and received the initial application. He laughed and said with a huge smile on his face "I figured you did, I just assumed you had probably already filled it out and sent it in too." (Which of course I had not). I love my husband, and I love that God brought us together, and has knit our hearts together in this way. And so the adoption journey has officially begun. Though, as I look back I see God's hand working in big and small ways to bring us to this place and preparing our hearts to adopt.

Please pray with us as we pray and plan. We have some logistical and financial obstacles to tackle. And I do not know how we will ever decide on just one child. We know God has already decided that.

US Census Commercials - You Really Shouldn't Be Laughing.

2010-02-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

We've been seeing the humorous commercial ads for the 2010 US Census for a few weeks now. Funny as they are, one has to ask who paid for these? The answer of course, I did, and you did! In fact the cost for airing the ad during the Super Bowl alone was 2.5 MILLION dollars. More of our hard earned tax dollars being flushed down the toilet. Numbers have yet to be released on what it cost to make the commercials and air them on a regular basis. Let alone the millions that are spent to actually conduct a nationwide census. Why would our government spend such an exorbitant amount of money when we are in a deep recession? The answer could only be, so that they can further rob us of our liberties and our money.

I urge my fellow liberty-loving Americans to think twice before participating in the 2010 Census. Llewellyn H. Rockwell, Jr., founder of the Ludwig von Mises Institute in Auburn, Alabama wrote an article entitled "The Census and Despotism" that is well worth reading. If you like keeping your money and your liberty then read it. And if you are looking for an intelligent source of information regarding the political affairs of our country, you should follow Campaign For Liberty. It's not about being Republican or Democrat; it's about liberty.

Tim Tebow's Super Bowl Ad Gets Two Thumbs Up From Pro-Choice Journalist

2010-02-05T08:40:00.000-08:00

There's been a lot of ruckus over Tim Tebow's Pro-Life Super Bowl Ad. Pro-Choicers have got their panties in a wad again. But in an ARTICLE from The Washington Post one Pro-Choice journalist is actually supporting his ad. Read it, it's worth the time.

I Love It When Your Kid Is Worse Than Mine

2010-02-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

I remember those blissful days before my first child was born. My mind would drift off dreaming of when I would get to hold my baby boy in my arms. Thinking of what he would look like and imagining him as a toddler or going off to kindergarten. He was perfect in my mind. A little angel.

Before I had kids, I recall on more than one occasion seeing a toddler throw a temper tantrum in the store over not getting what they wanted. Or seeing a mother looking like she belonged in an insane asylum with that crazed look in her eyes as she grabs her 3 yr old by the arm and says "If you don't stop screaming and crying we are going to leave." Then 10 minutes later the kid is getting exactly what they wanted and the mom seems so happy that the kid is quiet. "That will never be OUR kid; our son is going to love Jesus." My husband and I would say to each other. Those of you that know my 4 yr old are laughing, probably out loud.

Parenting is so much harder than I ever imagined it to be. Now that I have two boys of my own I am tempted to cut my Mom some slack (please don't tell her I said that). The bummer part about being a parent is that my kids get all my sin problems; they seem to get the worst of my husband and I. That is why my 4 yr old is sometimes a loud, hyper, angry, selfish sinner. Occasionally I look at him and I want to say, "Please don't be like Mommy." "Mommy always got in trouble growing up; it's just not worth it, son." He learns more from HOW I act than he does from WHAT I say. And he learns about who God is from how I act too.

On more than one occasion I have found myself rejoicing over another child being "bad". Just a couple of months ago my son's preschool class put on a little Christmas Program. I was pretty nervous wondering if he would behave or not and sing the songs or if he would pitch a fit on stage or just refuse to sing. Well, he did great! He behaved and sang and stood there like a little angel. I was delighted. I was equally delighted that one girl sat there the entire time with her hands over her ears, another kid kept shaking his jingle bell when he wasn't supposed to, and another cried the whole time til he finally had to just go sit with his parents. I found myself giddy that my kid was the "good" one (which was only because he wanted cake after). Hey, it doesn't happen that often so I have to treasure those rare moments of public displays of goodness.

Occasionally, I will see a kid pitching a fit in the store while my son happily helps me put groceries in the cart and I feel a sense of pride. It's so WRONG, I know. I am focusing on the stuff that doesn't matter. I am comparing my son to others and in return teaching him that it matters more what people think of him than what God thinks of him. We all do it sometimes with ourselves don't we? "I may have done this sin, but they did far worse." "I might not be the world's greatest mother, but at least I'm better than my mom, or at least my kid isn't like that kid." I could raise a son who does all the right things on the outside and is well behaved, but who does not know or love God. Or I can raise a son who loves God and wants to please Him. I would rather have my son love Jesus and His Word, because then the behavior will follow for the right reasons.

By God's grace He is helping me teach my sons that it matters more what is in their hearts. That the only one we have to compare ourselves to is Jesus. My 4 yr old, has learned that obedience is necessary not because then he won't get in trouble, but because it is what Scripture tells him is right. I have seen glimpses of him caring that he has sinned against God, not just disappointed me. I have seen him genuinely repentant over his sin, not just saying he's sorry to try and avoid consequences. Scripture and the knowledge of Jesus is the ultimate behavior modifier, contrary to what Dr. Phil says.

More than once I have had to ask my son for forgiveness for sin, for yelling, or for being too lazy to parent him how God's Word tells me to. I've admitted to him that I need God's help and God's Word the same way he does if I am going to do what's right. Sure we both still have a long way to go, but God can do the work in both of us.

And God has taught me humility (which I am still learning). He's taught me to pray for those mom's in the grocery store when their kid is throwing a tantrum. Because wouldn't I love it if someone prayed for me when it's my son is displaying his depravity.

Persecution in China

2010-02-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of spending the summer of 2001 in China teaching English as a second language. I love the people there and I was blessed by their hospitality and the love that Chinese believers show to one another. But, their government is wicked; their is no other way to describe it. They continue to persecute Christians for their faith while trying to appear that they allow their people freedom. We need to be vigilant in praying for our brothers and sisters in China who face great persecution for proclaiming the name of Jesus. It has been almost one year since Christian and Human Rights Lawyer, Gao Zhisheng was arrested by nearly a dozen police officers. That is the last time he was seen in public. Please take the time to read the story of Gao Zhisheng, contact your state's representatives, contact the Chinese embassy, sign the petition for him to be freed. Click HERE to do all of the aforementioned.

Learning to Pray

2010-02-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

I read an article the other day by a popular Doctor about how when life gets busy, typically the first thing to go is exercise. He strongly recommended that we cut out some other aspect of our busyness and make time for physical exercise. As a Christian I have found that when my life gets extremely busy (which it always seems to be) the first thing to go is my spiritual exercise of prayer. My communication with God is reduced to quick requests like "Please bless this food" or "Please help my kids to behave and not make me look like the worst parent in the world."

Having been raised as a legalist, I usually cringe when I hear things like "spiritual discipline." But, over the last few weeks God has graciously showed me that it's OK to be a disciplined when it comes to things like prayer and studying His Word. Let me explain, or rather let John Piper explain...

"Is it true that intentional, regular, disciplined, earnest, Christ-dependent, God-glorifying, joyful prayer is a duty? Do I go to pray out of duty? Is it a discipline?

You can call it that. It’s a duty the way soldiers in combat clean their rifles and load their guns. It’s a duty the way hungry people eat food. It’s a duty the way thirsty people drink water."

Piper also gives some helpful suggestions on how to pray.

First, set aside a set time each day, and don’t leave prayer to chance. Second, I suggest you combine it with reading the Bible and that you take what you find in the Bible and turn it into prayer. Third, I suggest that you pray in concentric circles and make the aim of each circle the glory of God. You can work from outside in, or from inside out. For example, pray for your own soul, then for your family, then for your friends and colleagues, then for your church, then for wider ministries and the global mission of Christ, and then for the political leaders of the land. And let what you ask be at least partly shaped by what you just read in the Bible.

Over the last few weeks as I have put these suggestions to action I have found my prayer life to be rewarding, encouraging, refreshing, and freeing. God has shown me unconfessed sin, areas of my life I had not surrendered to him, and has given me great joy as I pray for others. My time studying in the Word has been more productive and my walk with God strengthened. In fact, I am somewhat kicking myself for not having been more disciplined in my prayer life sooner.

I often hear Christians say "All we can do is pray." I've even said it a time of two myself. By God's grace He has opened my eyes to the joy that is found in regularly spending time fellowshipping with Him through prayer. We get to pray! As the words in one my favorite hymns say "What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer."

To read or listen to John Piper's full sermon on prayer "Put in the Fire for the Sake of Prayer" click here.

Matt Chandler is Suffering Well.

2010-02-01T06:32:00.000-08:00

Matt is one my favorite preachers to listen to. He was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor, and Associated Press has written this article on how he is "suffering well."

What Did I Do To Deserve This?

2010-01-29T07:28:00.001-08:00

Just a couple of days ago I was talking with a friend about a car accident she had been in that nearly totaled her car. With tears in her eyes she told me she thought God has caused the car accident because she had been neglecting to tithe and possibly because of some other sin in her life. She said she knew God was trying to get her attention. I started explaining to her that her way of thinking was just not true.

The idea of Double Retribution or Retribution Theology is a common way of thinking among believers and non-believers. In fact the Fundamentalist churches I grew up in even taught it. The idea that righteous people will only experience blessings/good and the wicked will only experience bad/hardship is just not supported in Scripture. I never realized that I bought into this wrong theology until while getting my Bachelor's in Christian Studies I took a book study class on Job. Retribution Theology is found throughout the book of Job.

In the NICOT on Job, author John Hartley says this

"Job's three comforters articulate the traditional understanding of retribution in its various nuances. Because of their rigid understanding of this doctrine they can only explain Job's suffering as the result of some sin that he has committed...Suffering open's Job's eyes to the discrepancy between the belief that God punishes the wicked and the reality that in numerous cases the wicked are never punished and the innocent are caught by sudden disaster."

Retribution Theology can not explain why so many wicked people are prosperous. It certainly can offer no explanation for Hollywood. Why is America so blessed and prosperous? Why does God allow children to be aborted, have they lived a life of wickedness in the womb? How can retribution theology explain the killing of faithful Christians in China or Pakistan? It can't.

We may never really know why God causes trials in our lives. But we can cling to the promise that He is working them out for our good and for His glory. God's grace can allow us to have a response to suffering and hardship that points others to Christ. Yes, there are consequences to sin and we reap what we sow. I am so thankful that God DOES NOT give me what I really deserve. The truth is I do not deserve or warrant any of God's good graces; I am wicked and yet God has blessed me so abundantly.

God Moves in a Mysterious Way
by William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sov’reign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flow’r.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

Top Ten Ways You Know You're Working For a Bad Para-Church Ministry

2010-01-27T06:56:00.000-08:00

Thank you Tim Challies for the laugh. He posted this list on his blog

10. You incentivize financial giving by offering to send your donors inanimate objects that have been prayed over.

9. You’ve convened a committee to decide the name of your new Gulfstream jet.

8. Your ministry even has a Gulfstream jet.

7. Two words: scheduled revivals.

6. Your broadcast goes out only in tongues.

5. Every member of the board of directors has the same last name.

4. The guy you raised from the dead this morning is starting to smell pretty bad.

3. Your job postings include, “teeth-whitening a must.”

2. Your annual budget includes a line item for hairspray.

1. You read this list out loud and they fired you.

Tough Questions

2010-01-26T18:47:00.000-08:00

Many of you now that my son Hudson, who is 18 months old, has Down Syndrome. I have shared in an earlier blog a little of my journey through my pregnancy and of the medical and other challenges we have faced with him. I have also shared how having a child with special needs has greatly changed my perspective and really has changed my life for the better.

As Christians, whenever we are faced with a trial, it should bring out the best in us;it should bring out the Christ in us. Usually, trials bring out the "real" us. They are a time when we are challenged to "practice what we preach." God often works in mysterious ways to bring us closer to himself and to show us that He really does know what is best.

A friend of mine sent me an article entitled "Tough Questions." It briefly describes two women whose children were both given the prenatal diagnosis of Down Syndrome. In it the author poses some questions that I think all Christians should consider regardless of what phase of life we are in.

Click here to read the article.

What Happened to Foster Parenting

2010-01-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

Yes we finally became licensed to be foster parents back in June. I was so excited to receive our official license in the mail. But the license came just as Drew and I felt God tugging on our hearts to make another change. Drew really felt called to return to the town where he grew up, Claxton, GA. No you probably never heard of it unless you're a fan of nasty fruitcake. We prayed God would provide a good job if that's where he wanted us and he did provide, almost immediately. So, in August 09, we moved.

The hardest part about moving for me was knowing we would have to start the foster parent licensing all over again. As I packed up the room we had readied for two little girls I was overwhelmed with emotion. I couldn't stop crying. I had felt so strongly that God had two little girls just for us who needed our home. I had spent so much time painting, picking out bedding, and preparing this room to be a respite for girls I didn't even know. As we were packing I got a call saying there was girl who needed a home. I can't describe how heart breaking it was for me to say that we could not take her.

Now we are starting the process completely over again, because every state has it's own requirements and paperwork. We still have not sold our house in Rock Hill, which is a huge financial burden for a lot of reasons. We have lowered the price about as low as we can go without having to pay someone to buy it. So we are paying a mortgage for a house we don't live in, meanwhile we are living in small two bedroom house that needs a lot of work and is not big enough for any more children. We have plans to add on, but we can't until we sell our house in Rock Hill, SC. I feel like I am in this weird limbo. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Wondering what in the world God is doing. i just want to sell that house so we can move on with our plans. I want so badly to foster or adopt.

Meanwhile I am trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me. I'm pretty sure He is trying to teach me 2 things; the same 2 things I have struggled to learn my entire life. Contentment and Patience. Yup, I have neither. Every now and then I see a hint of contentment or patience as I am reading my Bible or praying or in a moment when both kids are napping and QUIET, but they always seem to fade so quickly. Usually those brief moments end abruptly with a kid crying or the car breaking down AGAIN!

I'm still certain foster parenting and adoption is something God has for the Miles' family in the future. His timing is definitely not my timing, but I am learning to trust. I still have miles to go before I sleep.

Why Foster Parenting

2009-03-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

When I was 21 years old I took a part-time job for a non-profit organization called Mentor Co. My "job" was to mentor, tutor and enrich the lives of children who were wards of the state in the foster-care system. It was to this day, the best job I ever had. I only worked there for a year or so and then funding was cut so the program ended. Over the course of my time there I worked with 3 children. Trey was 5 years old, he lived with his maternal grandparents, his parents were both in jail for dealing and using drugs. He was precious. I went to his head start daycare twice a week to work with him on his social skills and to give him some much needed one-on-one attention. His home life was a wreck, his grandparents fed him junk and only junk, and he watched TV all day after preschool til late into the night. His preschool teachers told me had "behavioral problems". You think? How could he not? He was starved for attention and affection. What he wanted most when I came to visit him was for me to hug him, and he loved the fact that I was there just to see him.

Sarah, was 7, she had been in and out of foster care and was back home with her mother when I first started tutoring and mentoring her. She was so sweet and so smart. She soaked in her school work. She really didn't need tutoring, just someone to remind her to do her homework. Something her mother was far too lazy to do. I couldn't believe the filthy apartment she lived in with her mom and 4 siblings. Her mom was usually high when I picked Sarah up and dropped her off. She said she wanted to come live with me, because I was so nice.

Then there was Max, he was 14. He had been in foster care his whole life. He had been in one foster home for over 8 years. There he was neglected, crammed into bedrooms with way too many children. He and the other foster and adopted children were so poorly supervised that some of them were sexually abusing one another. This was by the way at the home of people who claimed to be Christians. Max was behind in school and he was so angry and hurt over everything in his life. He was placed in a new foster home of a single mom and her son. She didn't care about Max, he was just a pay check for her. After a few months there, she said she couldn't handle his temper any more and Max was sent to live in a group home.

Not once did I meet a parent, foster parent, or teacher of these children that cared. That thought they could really amount to anything. That was willing to put in the extra effort needed. What is heart-breaking to me is that there are thousands more children like those kids who will just continue to slip through the cracks, barely noticed. And we as Christians will not help them, we will see them going to school with our own children and we will keep our kids away from them, we won't invite them over to play, we probably won't even learn their names. Maybe some of our churches will bus them in for Sunday School, probably keeping them in their own separate classes. And we'll think that's enough.

One pastor said that if every professing Christian family would foster parent or adopt just one child in the U.S., there would be no children left in the foster care system. We have thousands of children around us that need a home, a bed, parents who will love them. Nothing extraordinary, just a real home; one that won't give up on them, or get rid of them. I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty, just wanting us to think.

I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father has adopted me into His family. And He won't kick me out, no matter what I do. He loves me and cares for me.

That is why I want to be a foster parent. Not just because I love children, or because I want to feel like I've done something good with my life. I want my children to see an example of what Christ has done for us. I want them to grow up in a home that loves others and gives to others. I want to give as many foster children as possible a home where they will be loved and where they can learn about the love of our Savior.

We are currently in the process of becoming licensed foster parents. I can't wait. Hopefully sometime in June we will have two little girls added to our family. We are praying that God places two girls with us that we can eventually adopt.

Look Who's Talking

2008-12-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

Lane, my 3 year old son has become quite the talker. Unfortunately, this also means he is repeating a lot of things he hears. He now rarely calls me "mommy," but instead he refers to me as 'honey." When he is getting in trouble he puts his little hands on my face and says "honey, do you love me very much?" How could I possible put him in time out after that?

Today he went to throw away some trash and found a couple Thomas the Train pamphlets that came with his new train, I had thrown away. "Mommy," he said, "These are not trash, these are my books." I apologized to him and he said "Mommy, you should not throw these away, that was not very nice." He sounded exactly like me when I am scolding him for some wrong doing.

It is so cute to hear him talking so much and understanding more and more. But at the same time it is a little scary, because I am realizing how important it is to watch my words. Not only my words but my tone. When I yell, he yells, when I speak in anger, he responds in anger. He is learning from me, even when I don't want him to be.

Children's Ministry - God or Games?

2008-12-09T11:13:00.000-08:00

Ministering to children is a passion of mine and has been for many years. I have worked in Children's Ministry for the past 9 years and my desire to see kids know Christ and scripture on a deep, personal level is ever growing. Before I became a mom I thought I knew everything about ministering to children, I realize now how little I know, but being a mother has made me want to minister to children all the more. When I look at my son Lane (age 3) I see so much potential; potential for him to grow to be a great, godly theologian and at the same time potential for him to do great evil. What a great responsibility I have to raise and train him to follow Christ and pursue a life that will glorify God. Part of my concern about how my own children are raised is the teaching they receive from others at school and church. Over the years as I have visited and worked in various churches I have grown concerned over the teaching that many children are recieving. Here are some common threads I have seen that concern me:

1) Poorly trained teachers and/or teachers that have a weak theological knowledge.
2) Teachers whom regularly seek to get children to "pray the prayer."
3) The use of curriculum that is not God-centered, where the glory is given to man not God.
4) The use of curriculum where the concepts of sin, hell, and the crucifixion are left out.
5) The prevalence of flashy, good-looking children's programs that are just that...purely superficial with no depth of teaching.
6) A desperation for children's ministry volunteers which leads to spiritually unqualified teachers, not running backgrounds checks on teachers, and allowing any warm body to teach.
7) Children not attending church services with their families because "they are too young."
8) Setting low expectations regarding what theology children can understand.
9) Children (and parents too) not bringing Bibles to church; children growing up in "Christian" homes where they are not trained in the importance of treasuring and practicing scripture.
10) Children's programs where moral concepts are taught instead of the full truth of Scripture.
11) Overall lack of organization, vision and goals for children's ministry because "they're just kids."

True, no church is perfect, no children's ministry is perfect, but I believe that we are often times failing our children by expecting so little for them and of them. Church's are often more concerned with the quantity of children rather than the quality of teaching they receive. As a children's church teacher and a mother I have certain criteria I desire to see in a Children's Ministry and church.

1) Truly God-centered curriculum, where God is always the hero and He gets the glory.
2) Curriculum that is comprehensive in its content of Scripture, so that children are taught the whole of Scriptures. Even the "uncomfortable" parts
3) A church and children's ministry that has a clearly defined purpose and vision.
4) Teachers that have been screened and trained.
5) Teachers that know biblical and systematic theology and that are willing to put time into studying the Word and preparing for their lessons.
6) A ministry where ALL children are welcomed and treated with respect and kindness regardless of race, gender, special needs etc...
7) A church where children are welcomed and encouraged to sit in services with their parents to worship and be taught under the "adult" teaching.
8) A children's ministry that is both fun and purposeful.
9) A children's ministry that is family-based and seeks to help parents as they teach and train their children in the Word.
10) A well-organized and planned ministry that takes seriously the task of training children to live lives that bring glory to God.

Somehow many of us have become content to just have our kids "babysat" they are entertained and play games while we attend church. We wonder why so many "Christian" children grow up and live lives full of sin or become accepting of liberal doctrine. We have a great responsibilities to TRAIN our children in the Word and part of that training comes from placing them under biblical church teaching.

My Perspective on Children with Special Needs

2008-12-09T11:03:00.000-08:00

Since Hudson was diagnosed with Down Syndrome my life has been changed. Having children changes one's life anyway, but having a child with health problems and special needs really changes one's perspective. I am writing this because I think the world needs a perspective change as well.

When we first learned that Hudson had some kind of chromosomal anomaly we were sitting in the office of a Fetal Medicine Specialist. He explained that he thought Hudson would not ever make it to full term. Then he proceeded to tell us that abortions were legal and safe, and many people in our situation would opt to terminate the pregnancy. I was furious and I truly wanted to slap his face. He also kept referring to Hudson as "the fetus." It is amazing to me how anyone can look at an ultrasound and see fingers, toes, and hear a heart beat, can look and see a life and not have a problem with ending it.

I have spoken with many people who have had a misdiagnosis of Down Syndrome or some other "abnormality." One statistic I read said that 80% of woman who have a prenatal diagnosis of a chromosomal anomaly choose to terminate the pregnancy. What if that diagnosis was wrong? And so what if it is right? Who are we to place a value on a life? Why does the world and even those that call themselves Christians view those with special needs as less valuable or as some kind of mistake. God makes no mistakes. It is not an accident that a child is born with a special need. He is not defective, abnormal, or a mistake. He is special. And there is a beauty and an innocence in children with Down Syndrome that quite frankly I am envious of.

This past summer I read an article in "Cookies" a magazine for "hip, trendy" moms. The article was composed of various stories written by moms telling their pregnancy and birthing journies. One story was written by a mom whose baby was given a prenatal diagnosis of Down Syndrome. The mom said that she knew she could not be the right mom for such a child and that she could not handle having a child with Down Syndrome. So she made the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. It was written in such a way to try and make the reader feel sorry for the mother and agree with her decision. She went on to say that a year and a half later she gave birth to a normal, healthy baby girl, so she knew she had made the right decision. She felt no regret, no remorse. I cried when I read it. This is the world in which we live. Are we not guilty of genocide. Of murder in the worst degree. What will it be like in 20 years. Will there be a place for children like Hudson?

I remember the day we were told Hudson would most likely not make it to full term, I went to pick up Lane from preschool. It was obvious that I had been crying. As I walked toward his classroom, the Director of his preschool stopped me and asked what was wrong. I explained, and her first response was, "so now you have to decide whether or not to keep the baby?" This was a woman who claimed to be a Christian. This is the Christianity of America, where abortion is no longer frowned upon, where we can play God.

On numerous occasions, people, including Christians have said things like "I am so sorry" when they learn that Hudson has Down Syndrome. What are they sorry about and why? I'm not sorry. I am more concerned with his heart condition and upcoming surgery and seeing him be healthy. Down Syndrome is only one characteristic that describes Hudson. When I look at him I do not see Down Syndrome, I see a beautiful, sweet, blue-eyed boy. He is God's creation. He is God's gift to us.

I recently made a new friend, Karen who has a daughter with Down Syndrome and we have had many encouraging and funny conversations. She told me that after Sarah Palin was announced as the Republican VP candidate a friend called her and said "Karen, I was so surprised that when Sarah Palin introduced her children, she said nothing about her youngest son having Downs." Karen's reply was "Why would you introduce your child that way?" "I don't introduce my other children as 'this is my daughter Katie, she's 11 and she has an attitude problem.'" "Yes," I said, "I do not introduce my son Lane as 'This is Lane he has a speech impediment." We laughed. But truly, it is such ignorance for people to think of Down Syndrome or any special need as THE defining characteristic of a child. They are children first.

One day Karen was in the check out line at Target with her then 2yr old daughter; her daughter was throwing a temper tantrum over not getting candy. A woman in line behind Karen asked "Is she doing that because she has Downs?" "No" Karen replied, "She's doing that because she is 2." :)

Several months ago I read an article in a parenting magazine about a family who had 5 or 6 children and all of them have some form of autism. Many readers wrote in and said those parents should have stopped having children a long time ago. How they were a burden to the school system. How they were so irresponsible to keep bringing children like that into the world. I was stunned. As if the readers' children were somehow better, more valuable, because they don't have autism. As if the world should be the judge on what kind of children are OK.

I have had people ask me if we still plan to have more children since having a child with Downs. YES, absolutely we do. Children, ALL children are a gift from God. Statistically, the chances of us ever having another child with Down Syndrome are minute. Then again I am only 27 most birth "defects" are associated with much older women. God doesn't care about statistics or science, and whatever children He chooses to give us, we will do our best to raise them to follow Him. We consider ourselves so blessed to have children at all, and we hope to have many more and may even adopt or foster parent children with special needs in the future.

Not everyone's response has been negative though. Last week I spoke with a friend who told me that when his wife was expecting their oldest son they were told he had Down Syndrome. During the pregnancy they started researching and meeting others with children with Down Syndrome, and preparing to care for their son. Their son was born and does not have Down Syndrome. But my friend's response was so encouraging, he said they looked at the situation as just another opportunity God gave them to share the Gospel. They met people they would never had met if they hadn't received that diagnosis of D.S. and were able to share God's love with them. He said it was so awesome that God gave us the same opportunity. That was so encouraging to me. Finally, a Christian who lived what they say they believe!

God has put many new people in our path. From Doctors to Social Workers. Many have commented on how well we are handling all of this. To that we say, it is God. Really He is the ultimate comforter, provider, and friend. We hope that God is glorified through us and that we are a testimony of His grace. Because, yes there are times when we get overwhelmed and times when we feel like incapable parents, but His grace is always sufficient.

My view on so many things has changed. I used to look at children with Down Syndrome and other handicaps and feel bad for their parents. In my heart I viewed them as God making some kind of mistake. My perspective was so worldly, and so judgmental. God has changed our perspective on people, parenting, and life. We are grateful for the opportunity to share His love with others through parenting Hudson, and we take very seriously the responsibility we have to raise both our boys to follow God.

I think the world needs to change their perspective on life, on what is valuable and what is not, on what is "normal," on what is perfect. We are all imperfect, we are all defective, and God has made us all unique. Children with special needs are just as valuable and precious as those without. They are not a mistake. They are just another example of how God the Great Creator creates in beautiful ways.

A great article in Christianity Today regarding people with disabilities, here is the link http://www.christianittoday.com/ct/2008/october/15.100.html